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Conversation Starters to Connect With Your Partner Today!

Have you ever been sitting next to your partner but felt like one of you was actually a million miles away?   

While we live in a hyper-connected world, many of our most intimate and cherished relationships are suffering. It’s easy to get caught up in surface-level connections with acquaintances through the screens of our devices, yet neglect the relationships that are right in front of our faces.  

And while we long to connect with others in deep and authentic ways, we simply don’t know where to start.   

At Onsite, we believe that real, deep, authentic connection is possible. And after years of helping people connect with themselves, others, and the world around them, we’ve found that the best bridge from loneliness to the connection and intimacy we desire is intentional conversation.  

“Loneliness is associated with feelings of emptiness, sadness, and shame, alongside the subjective perception that one is disconnected from others. It not only can occur in the context of social isolation but can also persist beyond this and can be experienced even when others are physically present.” 

Frontiers in Psychology 

In relationships, loneliness doesn’t stem from simply not talking to our partner; instead, it comes when we are not connecting with our partner.  

Most partners talk about logistics. Who is picking up the kids? I’ll make dinner. We need to order a present for your mother’s birthday. But have we lost the ability to discuss the things that really matter? When was the last time you learned something new about your partner? When is the last time you asked a question you might not know the answer to?  

We want to equip you with the tools you need to have deep, meaningful conversations with your partner, moving beyond logistics into connection.  


5 Conversation starters for partner connection

Starting a conversation with the goal of connection may feel clunky at first. We invite you to initiate and introduce these conversation starters with intentionality and purpose. Pick a specific time, create the space in your schedule, and lean in! The best way to find connection is to embrace vulnerability and enter in with open hands.   

1. “What’s it like being on the other side of me?”

This question invites you into the awareness of how your actions affect your partner. It creates an opportunity for them to reflect back to you the beautiful (and even difficult) parts of being in a relationship with you.   

2. How much me is in the we?”

This question invites both you and your partner to explore how much of yourselves you each feel permission to bring into your relationship. It creates an opportunity to identify the ways you can be more authentically yourselves, pursue wholeness together, and show up individually in order to better love, support, and care for both parts of the partnership. 

3. “Do I know how to fight fair?”  

This question invites you to explore your individual conflict styles. It creates the opportunity for both of you to reflect on and create individual and shared boundaries around addressing issues. This will help you tackle the problem together instead of attacking one another.   

4. “How do I show up for you/me when it’s hard to show up?”  

This question invites an honest evaluation of the ways in which you’re able to hold individual and shared pain for yourself and one another. It creates the opportunity for you both to share how you can better support one another and create a roadmap to being with one another in hard times.   

5. “What does whimsy/fun look like in our relationship?”  

This question invites you to explore the parts of your relationship that may have gotten overlooked in the hustle of everyday life. It creates the opportunity to express the things you miss, examine what may have gotten in the way, celebrate the levity you see in each other, and plan intentional ways to connect through play and fun.   

Remember—connection is on the other side of vulnerability. Lean in and trust the process, one intentional conversation at a time. 

Ready to initiate a conversation?  We’ve made it a little easier with a free download with these five conversation starters! 

If you’d like to pursue wholeness and connection with your partner with the guidance and support of a trusted community and guide, we’d love for you to consider our upcoming Coupleship Program—March 11-17.  

The Coupleship Program is a world-renowned 6-day program that helps couples learn essential skills for creating or maintaining a healthy relationship. Couples leave with the tools they need to pursue connection, growth, and healing.   

Here’s what people are saying about Coupleship:

This was the most transformation four days of my life so far. It completely revolutionized our marriage. We returned home with a renewed vision and commitment.

Alison M., Coupleship Alumni

The Coupleship Program gave us hope. It has been a key part of our individual healing.

Karee H., Coupleship Alumni 

connect as a couple

Connecting with self