The One Thing AI Will Never Give You in Therapy
” Real healing rarely happens inside a friction-free feedback loop that never challenges us. “
Before the world learned the language of bots, most of us said, “Maybe I should talk to someone.”
At Onsite, we’re seeing a seismic shift in how people reach for help. A year ago, many of us would have booked a session with a trusted professional after a tough season. Today an ever-growing number turn to AI companions that promise immediate comfort and tidy answers.
We understand the appeal. Quick relief is tempting when you’re carrying trauma or chronic stress. Evidence-based chatbots can ease mild anxiety or sadness, and that matters. But we also witness the flip side every day:
Real healing rarely happens inside a friction-free feedback loop that never challenges us.
The growth of AI mental health tools in recent years has been explosive. In a 2021 survey, 22% of respondents had already used a mental health chatbot, and 44% of those users relied on the bot exclusively (without also seeing a human therapist). These numbers underline a paradigm shift: more people – especially younger generations – are turning to AI for comfort. In fact, 47% of people using AI for therapy say they’d share things with an AI that they might not tell a human therapist – highlighting how comfortable (and “agreeable”) these digital confidants can be.
AI therapy tools have some undeniable benefits. Research suggests that chatbots using evidence-based methods (like cognitive-behavioral prompts) can help reduce mild anxiety or depressive symptoms in the short term. Many users report feeling “heard” by their bot and appreciate the instant stress relief. For someone unable to see a therapist due to cost, location, or timing, an AI that remembers your worries and checks in on you can be a helpful mental health companion.
Yet alongside the promise lies serious concern.
AI companions are, by design, extremely supportive – sometimes to a fault. Generative chatbots are trained to please users and sustain engagement, which can lead to an overly agreeable style.
Researchers note that many AI bots display a “sycophantic” personality, “being overly empathetic and agreeable towards users’ beliefs.” In online discussions, users have criticized some mental health AIs for “being too agreeable, avoiding pushback or critical engagement when needed.”
If you vent to an AI about conflicts or harmful behaviors, it may just validate you unconditionally.
This constant validation feels good – it’s nice to have an unflagging cheerleader – but it can cross into over-affirming one’s perspectives, even unhealthy ones. In therapy, real growth often requires a degree of discomfort and honest reflection. An AI that never says “I think you’re avoiding something” or “let’s examine your role in this” might inadvertently encourage avoidance of tough truths.
Unlike a human therapist, who can hold a mirror up to our blind spots, an AI tends to follow our lead unquestioningly. This raises the risk of users “gaming” the interaction – consciously or not – to dodge what they don’t want to face. If an individual is in denial about a destructive habit, a chatbot won’t gently confront them; it may even provide rationalizations, since it’s programmed to support.
It’s no wonder people are turning to AI – our mental health crisis has outpaced the systems meant to help. By all accounts, the severity and complexity of mental health cases are surging. In the U.S., 90% of adults believe we’re in a mental health crisis, and about half say their own family has dealt with a serious mental health issue recently. Globally, mental illness rates continue to rise each year – a trend only exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic’s fallout of isolation and trauma. A report found that since 2010 the rate of Australians arriving at ER with emergency-level mental health conditions doubled (from 9 to 21 per 10,000 people), and urgent psychiatric presentations jumped from 37 to 57 per 10,000. In short, demand is rising in both volume and intensity.
This gap between need and accessible help drives people toward any alternative that might offer relief. Digital platforms have tried to fill the void: Teletherapy services boomed during the pandemic, and many counselors now offer video sessions, expanding reach. Still, digital access alone hasn’t solved the deeper problem – because quantity of access is not the same as quality of healing. It’s now easy to download a therapy app or join an online support group, which does improve basic access. Yet for someone carrying severe trauma or coping with relational wounds, what’s available digitally often feels insufficient. A mobile app can remind you to do breathing exercises, but it can’t be truly present with you in your darkest moments. In other words, you can’t heal relational wounds in a relational vacuum.
Why Real Human Connection Is Irreplaceable
At its heart, therapy is not about quick fixes or convenience – it’s about relationship and transformation. Decades of outcome research in psychology have found that the single strongest predictor of positive change is the quality of the therapeutic relationship, often called the therapeutic alliance. This alliance is built on trust, empathy, warmth, and yes, accountability between a therapist and client. Human beings are inherently relational; so many of our deepest wounds are relational in nature (childhood abuse, neglect, betrayals, losses). A skilled therapist provides a safe, attuned relationship in which a client can finally face painful feelings and experiences that were too overwhelming to process alone. The therapist’s attunement – their ability to “provide warmth, non-verbal cues, and personal engagement” – helps regulate a client’s nervous system, fostering a sense of safety even when delving into trauma. This process is often described as “co-regulation” and is a cornerstone of trauma therapy. An AI, no matter how advanced, cannot replicate the human nervous system on the other side of the room (or screen) offering calm, empathetic presence. It cannot truly “hold” a client’s anguish or bear witness to their story with genuine compassion.
Finally, there is the basic but profound element of human empathy. Empathy isn’t just friendly words; it’s a complex interpersonal process. It might be the therapist’s eyes welling up in resonance with your pain, or their tone of voice conveying true understanding. It’s the feeling that this person “gets it” because they’re human too. An AI can simulate empathetic phrases (“That sounds really hard… I’m here for you”), but it does not actually feel anything. As a result, something is always missing.We need to feel felt. We need to be seen by a “compassionate, imperfect human,” not just a perfect machine.
Relational Healing in Action: The Onsite Approach
If AI therapy is about convenience, then traditional therapy – especially intensive or group-based therapy – is about transformation. Nowhere is this more evident than in programs designed explicitly to harness relational depth and accountability for healing. At Onsite we’ve built its programs around the principle that authentic human connection is the catalyst for change. For example, Onsite’s flagship Living Centered Program is a six-day in-person Group Intensive where participants do deep personal work within a supportive group. Facilitated by therapists, the group process creates a micro-community where each person can safely drop their guard. Participants often find that “the gains people make when they are willing to vulnerably engage in a group process are inestimable. There is power in being witnessed… to be seen, heard, understood, and valued” by others. Unlike an AI that simply mirrors you, fellow humans in a group reflect truths in a richer way: you realize you’re not alone in your struggles and you receive honest feedback born of empathy. Onsite’s team intentionally cultivates an environment of genuine compassion plus challenge – a space where you feel acceptance, but also won’t be allowed to isolate in your old patterns.
Their therapeutic philosophy recognizes that healing from trauma especially requires relational repair. Onsite’s Healing Trauma Group Intensive, for instance, directly addresses “the pain and disconnection that many experience after trauma” in a group setting. By gently guiding participants to connect with others as they process traumatic experiences, the Group Intensive helps rewrite the script of isolation and fear that trauma often imposes. It’s common to see someone in the program share a deep shame or sorrow they’ve never voiced before – expecting rejection – and instead meet nods of understanding and words of “me too.” That moment of felt belonging can be profoundly corrective. No AI can replicate the gravity of that moment, because it comes from humans who have walked through similar fires and are extending genuine care.
Our residential trauma treatment center Milestones takes this relational approach even further. At Milestones, clients live on-site for 30+ days of immersive therapy, surrounded by a healing community. The program deliberately goes beyond talk therapy – blending traditional counseling with experiential modalities like group process, equine therapy, expressive arts, and somatic (body-based) work. This holistic design recognizes that trauma lives not just in words but in the body and in our relationship patterns.
Over weeks of shared meals, therapy sessions, and supportive activities, residents practice new ways of relating in a safe “laboratory” of real human connection. The staff provide consistent empathy and also help residents gently confront behaviors or mindsets that are holding them back. The motto is “healing is never copy/paste” – each person’s journey is unique – but it unfolds within a caring community, something algorithms simply don’t offer. Onsite’s programs, from intensive group workshops to their outpatient support, all emphasize this truth: personal growth flourishes when you are actively engaging with others who hold you accountable to your best self in a compassionate way.
In the end, the surge of AI therapy tools is a testament to how much people crave support. These tools have their place – they can supplement the mental health ecosystem, increase access, and provide handy coping strategies. But they are supplements, not substitutes. AI can scale skills and psychoeducation; it can check in on you daily. What it cannot scale is the one factor that often matters most in healing: the human touch. Therapy is about truly changing in the context of a safe relationship. That kind of transformation is rarely convenient or comfortable, and it can’t be coded into an app. It requires vulnerability, accountability, and the mysterious, beautiful dynamics that occur only between living, breathing people.
Connection isn’t nice to have in therapy – it is therapy.
