Why You Can’t Fix Them (and What to Do Instead)

What This Session Explores

 

• How codependency shows up as caretaking, rescuing, or controlling
• Why trying to fix others leads to burnout and resetment
• The emotional cost of focusing more on others than yourself
• How family roles and early dynamics shape over-respondsibility
• A practical excersise to clrify boundaries and personal agency

Many people who struggle with codependency genuinely care deeply about the people in their lives. The desire to help, protect, or guide someone toward healthier choices often comes from love, not control. But when your energy becomes consumed by monitoring, managing, or fixing another person, it can slowly erode your sense of peace and self-trust.

Hannah explains that this pattern often develops in families where emotional safety depended on someone else’s mood or behavior. Over time, helping others feel better became a way to feel okay yourself. While adaptive early on, this strategy can become costly in adult relationships, especially when the other person is unwilling or unable to change.

In this session, Hannah offers a grounding exercise that helps clarify what is truly within your control and what is not. By separating your choices from someone else’s behavior, you can begin to reclaim energy, reduce resentment, and move toward healthier boundaries without abandoning care or compassion. This work isn’t about giving up on relationships; it’s about coming back to yourself.

Hannah Phillips is the Clinical Director of Onsite’s Intensive Outpatient Program and works closely with individuals navigating codependency, relational burnout, and boundary challenges.