The Problem with Being “Fine”
Many of us have settled for a fine existence.
We go about our days in relatively routine motions, with minimal ups or downs. We take part in activities and spend time with people. We work a job we like, don’t love, and we take a vacation each year and go about our lives with predictability. We don’t get overly emotional about anything. We’re not great, but we’re not miserable.
We’re fine.
Perhaps this is you today, and you’ve even prided yourself on the fact that you’re not an “emotional” person (spoiler alert: if you’re human, you’re emotional). You keep your frustration under control, can’t remember the last time you cried, and have managed your fear to the point where you can almost deny it altogether.
The problem with avoiding emotions we label as “bad” is that we eventually stop feeling all emotions, even those we’d label “good.”
Sure, we might be able to deny the painful emotions (for a while at least), but it comes at a high price. We end up feeling numb and a bit blah.
The truth is, we can’t selectively numb our emotions.
“You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.”
― Brené Brown
When we turn down the volume on the painful parts of our lives, we end up turning down the volume on life as a whole. And as a result, our lives can become pretty small and, for all intents and purposes, “fine.” But is it really fine?
What if we told you that you were meant for more than a “fine” life?
What if you could experience real joy, presence, and belonging?
What if the pain of grief awakened us to our deepest desire and capacity for love?
What if our fear alerted us to live more in line with our values?
What if anger activated us to justice and wholeness?
The best parts of life are in the grey, complicated places, where sadness meets our joy, and our anger brings about gumption. We only get one life, and it would be a shame to live it small.
Doesn’t everything die at last and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
—Mary Oliver
If you have been playing it safe for a while—numbing your internal world with external things—choosing something different can be uncomfortable and daunting. Perhaps you can’t even put your finger on what’s wrong; you just have the feeling that there is more for you. Listen to that internal knowing today. You were made for more. You don’t have to settle for fine. You deserve to turn up the volume on your own life.
If you’re ready to turn up the volume, our Living Centered Program can help you learn and practice new ways of processing life and emotions.
You were made for more. You don’t have to settle for fine.
It’s time to live your one wild and precious life.
