# Onsite --- --- title: "The Patterns at Play" slug: "the-patterns-at-play" date: "2024-02-28 07:30:00" author: "Caroline Wiedemann" --- ![Two people standing in front of a shrub](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-124.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # The Patterns at Play Understanding 8 Common Roles in Family Dynamics  From the  [Onsite Journal ](https://experienceonsite.com/journal/)— Volume 4  |  Written by Crystal Nero, LCMHC  ##### “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.”  Good or bad, who we are today is shaped by the first group we belong to: our family of origin. The way we show up in every other relationship in our lives as adults has roots in the role we played as a child.  According to Family Systems Theory, our individual roles are integral to the functioning and dynamics of the whole unit. The roles we play in our families can greatly influence our identity and sense of belonging. They provide us with a purpose and a place within the family structure.  Let’s explore how Family Systems Theory can help us identify and grow within our roles in our families of origin and family units today.  ## What is Family Systems Theory? Family Systems Theory, developed by psychiatrist Murray Bowen in the 1950s, revolutionized the field of psychology by emphasizing the interdependence of family members and the impact of family dynamics on individuals. Bowen believed that families are complex systems composed of interconnected parts, much like our own biological systems. Just as cells and organs work together to maintain overall health, individuals within a family collaborate to maintain their own idea of function and homeostasis.  His theory challenged the prevailing notion that psychological struggles and disorders are solely rooted in individual experiences, instead highlighting the importance of understanding the family system as a whole.  This theory is particularly relevant when working with individuals facing challenges such as addiction or children who exhibit problematic behaviors without apparent understanding or reason. As a family therapist I often focus on understanding and addressing the underlying systemic issues rather than solely focusing on individual problems. Think of a family system as a baby mobile: once one of the strings is pulled, all the other parts move. Our families work the same; when an individual is under stress, the family adjusts and takes on roles, desperate to get back to homeostasis.   Often times in our adjustments or adaptations we overcorrect in hopes to change someone’s behavior, get our loved one back to health, or help ourselves to feel better. Family therapy helps us to see OUR role and how we can set boundaries allowing for flexibility while still allowing individual expression and health for all. Making these adjustments will improve the overall functioning of the family unit, which will allow individuals to make necessary adjustments and lead healthier lives.  ## The Roles We Play In family systems, each member has a unique role that contributes to the overall balance and harmony within the family.  It is important to recognize that these roles are not fixed or permanent. They can evolve over time as family dynamics change or when new members join the family through marriage or birth. Additionally, individuals may take on multiple roles simultaneously depending on the situation at hand.  Understanding and appreciating the different roles within a family system is crucial for fostering healthy relationships and effective com- munication. By acknowledging each person’s unique contributions, we can create an environment that promotes cooperation, support, and mutual respect among all members of the family, which is what we strive for in all our systems.  In every family system, individuals often assume certain roles that help maintain the family’s equilibrium. A family’s equilibrium does not denote health but rather the normal homeostasis that has been mutually agreed upon. While these roles are natural, common, and often full of strength, they can become problematic when rigid and unchangeable.  **Let’s explore some of the common unhealthy family roles we or our loved ones may have taken on and how they can shape us into adulthood**.  ## Common Unhealthy Family Roles ##### The Hero/Golden Child The Hero or Golden Child is typically the oldest child in the family. They are responsible, organized, trustworthy, and often considered the “perfect” child. Their achievements and successes serve as a distraction from underlying family issues, providing a sense of validation and accomplishment. Often the Hero is placed in a position to “prove” to the rest of the world the family is okay.  In adulthood, they are drawn to achievement and perfectionism and can sometimes find themselves overworked, while feeling pressure to get things “right” without mistakes or freedom to mess up.  ##### Troublemaker/Scapegoat/Black Sheep The Troublemaker, Scapegoat, or Black Sheep is the family member who receives blame for all the family’s problems. They may exhibit defiant or disobedient behavior or simply be perceived as different from the rest of the family. The Scapegoat role allows other family members to deny or ignore more significant issues within the family system. This role is also considered the truth teller of the family, which can feel difficult in the system.  In adulthood, they often blame themselves for difficulties while feeling worthless and guilty. This role experiences intense imposter syndrome, which can lead to intense isolation and anxiety. We may see this individual struggle with addictions as well.  ##### The Lost Child The Lost Child often coincides with the Hero or Troublemaker role. They receive less attention within the family and may feel overlooked or left behind. This role is often taken on by a child who has a sibling struggling with physical or mental illness or who is part of a large family. The Lost Child tends to be quiet, passive, and struggles with feelings of loneliness and the need for love and attention.  In adulthood, the Lost Child may struggle with decision-making, self-esteem, and self-worth. They learn to take care of themselves and may struggle with asking for help or receiving support. They often feel as though they do not “belong” and may also struggle with addictions.  ##### Peacemaker/Mediator The Peacemaker or Mediator role involves being caught in the middle of conflicts within the family. They may mediate between opposing parents or siblings, attempting to maintain peace and harmony. This role requires the individual to suppress their own needs and become adept at reading and responding to others’ emotions.  In adulthood, they are very adaptable, and may ignore their own needs while often avoiding conflict. Peacemakers/Mediators often try to make everyone else happy and have the ability to read a room, which makes for a great team player and very loyal adult.  ##### Mascot/Clown The Mascot or Clown is the family member who uses humor and comedy to lighten tense situations and distract from underlying problems. They serve as a source of entertainment and relief in the family, often deflecting from the seriousness of issues. The Mascot role requires the individual to read the room and gauge tension levels, often to avoid conflict and negative emotions.  In adulthood, the Mascot can have difficulty connecting to their true feelings, often distracting with humor. Most comedians identify with this role in their childhood.  ##### Caretaker/Enabler The Caretaker or Enabler assumes the responsibility of caring for others in the family, often at the expense of their own well-being. They may enable problematic behaviors by making excuses or denying the consequences of those behaviors. In the context of addiction, the Caretaker often becomes the Enabler, preventing the individual from facing the full consequences of their actions. Often this role is trying desperately to keep the family together, which often denies the family growth.  Typically the Caretaker/Enabler was a people pleaser in childhood. In adulthood, they will often over-function for others—doing and taking care of things for another that they can take care of themselves. This role also rarely allows someone else to experience natural con- sequences and often will rescue before consequences come into effect.  ##### Doer The Doer is the family member who takes charge and gets things done. They are often responsible for coordinating schedules, managing household chores, and ensuring the smooth functioning of the family. The Doer role is commonly associated with the stereotypical mother figure, but it can be assumed by any individual who takes on significant responsibilities within the family, which allows escape or distracts from the feelings in themselves or the system.  In adulthood, doers struggle to rest and relax or stay in the present moment. Doers may feel resentful because it is difficult for them to say no.  ##### Martyr The Martyr sacrifices their own needs and often seeks acknowledgment and validation for their sacrifices within the family. They may guilt-trip others or use sarcasm to make others feel indebted or obligated. The Martyr role can create a sense of guilt in others and perpetuate unhealthy dynamics within the family.  In adulthood, they overextend themselves and often battle feelings of being angry. This role often causes enormous amounts of stress and guilt.  ## Identifying Family Roles and Their Impact Understanding the roles that individuals assume within the family can provide valuable insights into family dynamics and their impact on behaviors and relationships. Our past experiences within our family systems significantly shape how we show up in our present relationships. The roles we hold as children, such as the Caregiver, Peacekeeper, or Scapegoat, can deeply influence our behaviors and expectations in our current family dynamics. When we create a new nuclear family, it’s important to recognize the impact of our past family roles and reflect on how they may be influencing our current relationships. This self-awareness allows us to identify any unhealthy or unhelpful patterns that we may have inherited and consciously work toward repairing them so as not to pass them down through generations to come.  Creating a new nuclear family provides an opportunity for growth, healing, and transformation. It allows us to consciously choose the roles and dynamics that support healthy relationships and promote individual well-being. We can create a nurturing environment by actively working toward repairing any negative patterns or unresolved issues from our past. It’s essential to approach this journey of repair with compassion for ourselves and our loved ones. Healing familial relationships takes time, patience, and understanding. By working together to establish new norms that align with our values and needs, we can create a space where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued within the context of their unique family systems.  Repairing as we live out relationships in a new nuclear family requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to challenge old beliefs or assumptions. It involves creating space for honest conversations about our experiences growing up, understanding each other’s needs and boundaries, and finding ways to support each other’s personal growth.  While the process of repairing may take time and effort, it is worth investing in for the sake of building strong foundations within our new nuclear families. By breaking free from harmful cycles or limiting beliefs inherited from our past family roles, we can create healthier dynamics that foster love, understanding, and resilience in our present relationships.  ## Making Sense of Your Family System Take a moment to reflect on your own family and consider the roles that you and other family members have adopted or may have been given based on your unique family. Recognizing these roles can shed light on current dynamics and any strong negative reactions you may have toward your significant other, own nuclear family, family of choice, or friends. Awareness of these roles allows us to challenge and reshape unhealthy patterns, fostering healthier relationships and individual growth. Learning about ourselves and our family of origin, sheds light on where we may need to enlist boundaries and/or have hard conversations with others.   Here is an example from my own life. As a child, I would mostly identify with the Scapegoat (what I call the Black Sheep), always always feeling like the odd one out. My parents did not intentionally make me feel this way, I had big emotions and feelings that were difficult for them to navigate, which left me feeling misunderstood. Big feelings and emotions were not something that our family expressed, and we definitely did not talk about our feelings, which I always wanted to do.  As a teenager, I became more defiant in an attempt to be understood. Over the years, I struggled with intense feelings of worthlessness and not fitting in anywhere while simultaneously feeling a desperate need to prove myself to others. These years were full of loneliness and disconnection that took time to overcome. I started to realize something important. I didn’t need to fit in with anyone else. All I needed was to be true to myself. I learned how to set boundaries with my parents, even when it was hard. And slowly, very slowly, but surely, I started to come into my own.  It wasn’t always easy. There were plenty of times when I still felt that old sense of worthlessness creeping in, and I still feel it from time. I remain “different” than my family, yet through the years I have learned how to be kind to myself, how to show myself the same compassion I had always craved from others.  Remember, family roles are not fixed or predetermined. With awareness and intentional efforts, individuals and families can break free from rigid roles and create healthier dynamics that promote growth, authenticity, and genuine connections.  *About the author: * Crystal Nero, LCMHC, has worked as a mental health therapist in the prison system in Chicago, wilderness therapy in North Carolina, and, now, the group practice she owns. Crystal currently serves as Onsite’s Clinical Director and is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor (LCMHC), Licensed Clinical Addictions Specialist (LCAS), and trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy and EMDR.  ### Looking for additional support as you navigate how your family system has impacted you? Join us at an upcoming workshop.    Onsite offers multiple experiences that support your exploration of how your family of origin can impact your relationships. - [Healthy Love and Relationships](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/healthy-love-relationships-program/) is a group experiential workshop that addresses how attachment and pain in your past can affect how you show up in relationships.   - [The Living Centered Program](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/living-centered-program/) is a group experiential workshop that offers the opportunity to explore how your past is impacting your present.  [EXPLORE ONSITE’S WORKSHOP EXPERIENCE](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/) For more articles like this from our clinical team, recipes from the Onsite Kitchen, and powerful stories from Onsite Alum, pick up a copy of our annual [Onsite Journal](https://experienceonsite.com/journal/).   [SEE THE JOURNAL](https://experienceonsite.com/journal/) ![People sitting on the floor](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-64-934x1400.jpg) ![people sitting around coffee table laughing](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-544-edited-1050x1400.jpg) ![woman at a fence thinking](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-383-1400x934.jpg) ![Two people chatting while sitting at a picnic table](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) ![A closeup shot of purple flowering plant](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Gardens-1-933x1400.jpg) ![Two people hugging sideways while standing in a grassy field](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-205-934x1400.jpg) ![A man sitting and journaling on a bench under a tree ](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-506-934x1400.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? 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Part 1 with Onsite Alum Carl, Mindy, Sydney, and Brandon July 22, 2024](https://experienceonsite.com/podcast/how-can-healing-ripple-through-a-family-part-1/) --- --- title: "A Look Inside: Touring Onsite's Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee" slug: "a-look-inside-touring-onsites-new-counseling-office-in-nashville-tennessee" date: "2025-05-20 21:36:03" author: "Stone Crandall" --- ![Interior of a mental health treatment facility, featuring diverse individuals engaged in conversation, a cozy seating area, and a neon sign reading "HOPE," reflecting a supportive environment for long-term mental health care.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP2-scaled.webp) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # A Look Inside: Touring Onsite’s Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee   ### Resilience doesn’t happen in isolation. ##### It grows in spaces that feel safe enough to be real and strong enough to hold what life hands us. That’s what we set out to create with our new Onsite Counseling office in Nashville—home to our Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) and Group Practice. ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP1-1-1400x933.webp) ####   ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP2-1400x933.webp) ### Welcome to Onsite Counseling ##### Tucked just minutes from downtown Nashville, our new counseling office is more than a clinical space. It’s a thoughtfully designed environment that blends therapeutic intention with real-world comfort. From the moment you step inside, you’re met with a sense that you don’t have to brace yourself here. Here, healing doesn’t mean hitting pause on your life. It means equipping yourself to live it more fully.   #### Built for Trust, Connection, and Courage  At both ends of the space, you’ll find our group rooms—open, welcoming spaces where small cohorts meet each week. These rooms are designed to encourage connection, vulnerability, and strength.   It’s in these rooms that clients learn new ways to face what’s hard, speak what’s true, and support each other along the way.  In addition to group spaces, the space features private offices for one-on-one trauma counseling. Each room is intentionally designed to feel less clinical and more like a quiet, welcoming retreat because we know that the environment matters when doing deep, personal work.   #### A Place to Breathe The heart of the office is our gathering spaces where clients can come early or stay late to reflect, work, or just take a second away. We feature 3 main areas in the gathering space, each intentionally designed for various reasons.   Our living room area offers the comfort of home. The couch, coffee table, and beautiful chairs allow the space to sit and reflect while also feeling the comforts of home.  Located at the heart of the space, the swings allow clients to take a load off their feet, and connect with their inner child before or after their session. This seems to be the spot that people gravitate towards at least once in their visit.  The table is a place for community. It is rare that you don’t find a friend to chat with or work alongside at the community table. More than just a place to enjoy a meal or snack, the table is the heart of connection and conversations in our office.  Whether it’s journaling on the couch or sharing a cup of tea with a peer, these in-between moments are part of the healing process. We encourage clients to come early and stay late to enjoy the intentionality of this space.  #### What Makes Our IOP Different? At Onsite, we believe that sometimes it takes a step back from the day-to-day activities to heal, but that healing does not stop once you reintegrate back into life. Our IOP offering is the perfect mix of getting to practice what you are learning while intentionally making strides in your healing without leaving the normal pace of life.  The Intensive Outpatient Program is more than a series of sessions. We specifically designed the program as a comprehensive, integrated experience. Each participant receives a personalized treatment plan that includes weekly group therapy, individual trauma counseling, and access to a supportive community. Our goal is to help you build sustainable rhythms for long-term healing, not just short-term relief.  #### Come As You Are You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit from Onsite IOP Counseling. You just have to be ready for something more—a deeper level of support, a stronger foundation, a life that feels less reactive and more intentional.  Whether you’re transitioning from residential treatment, feeling stuck in traditional therapy, or simply ready to invest in your own growth, we’ll meet you right where you are.  No pressure. No pretense. Just a team that believes in your potential and a program designed to help you build a life rooted in resilience.  #### Let’s Take the Next Step Together If you’re wondering whether IOP is the right fit for you or someone you love, we’d love to help you explore it. Our admissions team is here to listen, answer questions, and offer guidance.  To learn more, visit our [IOP page](https://experienceonsite.com/iop/). Whatever brings you here, we’re honored to walk with you toward what’s next.  [LEARN MORE ABOUT onsite](https://experienceonsite.com/) [CONNECT WITH OUR TEAM](https://experienceonsite.com/registration/) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP4-1400x933.webp) ## ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP3-933x1400.webp) ## A Look Inside: Touring Onsite's New Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? 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It’s personal. It’s layered. And it’s deeply human. #### #### Virtual therapy has opened important doors for accessibility—and that matters. But when it comes to healing trauma, there are parts of the process that need something more. Something only found in the presence of another person. In the stillness of a shared space. In the grounded, felt sense of being with.  #### Here’s why healing from trauma often calls us back into the room, where presence meets safety, and where the real work can unfold  ![A group of people stand along a fence](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-259-1-1400x934.jpg) ### Lets dive into 3 reasons why healing trauma in-person holds transformational power ####   #### 1. Stabilization & Safety: The Foundation of Healing   Every journey of healing begins with safety. And not just the kind you talk about, but the kind you *feel* in your bones.  In-person spaces create a sanctuary. A room held just for you. Away from the noise of everyday life. A space where you can breathe a little deeper. Speak a little more freely. Let your guard down.  And maybe even more important, your therapist can *see* what isn’t being said. A shift in your shoulders. A flicker in your eyes. A pause in your breath. These cues matter. They help your therapist respond not just to your words, but to your nervous system. To your *whole self.*  There’s a kind of grounding that happens when someone sits across from you and says, without saying, “I’m here. You’re safe. You’re not alone.” And that presence? It changes everything.  #### 2. Healing the Mind‑Body Connection: Going Beneath the Surface  Trauma lives in the body just as much as the mind. That’s why we can’t think our way out of it. We have to feel our way through.  In-person work makes space for that. For embodied healing practices that invite you to gently tune in. Somatic Experiencing, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and many more: these aren’t just techniques, they’re invitations back into your own body, your own story, your own sense of safety.  *To notice the tightness in your chest, and stay with it.*  *To move your body in a way that tells your nervous system, “You’re okay now.”*  *To find breath again. Presence again. Yourself again.*  These methods are tender. They require nuance. A calm space. The energy of a grounded guide nearby. They ask for a room where your body can learn, in real time, that it’s safe to let go.  And science backs it up: When we engage our bodies in healing, we reset the stress cycle. We restore balance #### 3. Rebuilding Trust in Relationship: The Power of Presence  Trauma isolates. It breaks trust—not just in others, but in ourselves. And one of the most powerful ways we heal that rupture is through *relationship.*  There’s something profoundly healing about being in the room with someone who is fully with you. Who mirrors safety not just with words, but with breath. With posture. With presence.  In-person therapy offers that. It models secure attachment in real time. It reminds us what safe connection *feels* like.  And when the time is right, small group work can be transformative. To look across a circle and realize—*you’re not the only one.* To share space with others who are learning how to trust again. That kind of healing is hard to replicate on a screen.  Relational wounds require relational repair. And that begins with someone showing up. Staying present. And holding space, without needing to fix you.  #### Why Virtual Isn’t “Wrong” (But Sometimes, It’s Not Enough)  Virtual therapy has helped many of us begin the work. For some, it’s the only way to access support, and that should never be minimized. The courage it takes to reach out, in any form, matters.  But there are real limitations:  - The delay in connection. The strain of technology. The background noise of everyday life pressing in. - The absence of nonverbal cues—what your body says when your words run out. - The challenge of doing body-based work through a screen. It’s just… harder. ## Healing isn’t a solo journey. And you don’t have to do it alone. Ready to take the first step? Click here. [LEARN MORE ABOUT our healing trauma program](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/healing-trauma-program/) [CONNECT WITH OUR TEAM](https://experienceonsite.com/registration/) ## The Myths of Milestones: Debunking Misconceptions About Long-Term Mental Health Treatment [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman sitting in a window seat with a cup of tea, enjoying a serene view of a green landscape, reflecting the supportive environment of Milestones mental health treatment facility.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Nicole--1080x1400.jpg) Mental Health | Blog ### The One Thing AI Will Never Give You in Therapy July 25, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/07/25/the-one-thing-ai-will-never-give-you-in-therapy/) [![Group of diverse individuals smiling and engaging in conversation at a rustic setting, reflecting a supportive environment for mental health treatment and community connection.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-259-1-1400x934.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### The Power of Being Together: Why Trauma Work Needs In‑Person Presence  June 10, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-power-of-being-together/) [![Group of individuals walking along a path in a serene outdoor setting at Milestones mental health facility, surrounded by lush greenery and trees, emphasizing a supportive environment for healing.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite_JC1-4-1-1400x933.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### The Myths of Milestones: Debunking Misconceptions About Long-Term Mental Health Treatment May 27, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-myths-of-milestones/) [![Interior of a mental health treatment facility, featuring diverse individuals engaged in conversation, a cozy seating area, and a neon sign reading "HOPE," reflecting a supportive environment for long-term mental health care.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP2-1400x933.webp) Emotional Health | Blog ### A Look Inside: Touring Onsite’s Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee May 20, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/touring-onsites-new-counseling-office-nashville-tennessee/) [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing April 21, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/why-group-therapy-is-integral-to-true-healing/) [![Person holding a glass of water on a wooden tray, surrounded by greenery, symbolizing a calm and supportive environment for mental health treatment at Milestones.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Photo-Aug-31-2022-2-17-07-PM-1.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Let This Be The Year You Finally Reclaim Your Life January 3, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/1/3/let-this-be-the-year-you-finally-reclaim-your-life/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-80-934x1400.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why “Fine” Isn’t Good Enough  October 23, 2024](https://experienceonsite.com/2024/10/23/why-fine-isnt-good-enough/) --- --- title: "How to Determine The Right Mental Health Resource For You  " slug: "continuum-of-care" date: "2024-05-29 14:10:30" author: "Caroline Wiedemann" --- ![A man sitting alone with a cup of coffee while staring out the window at his side](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-599-edited.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 ## How to Determine The Right Mental Health Resource For You    10 Questions to Assess Where You Are and Where You Want to Go   **For years, we’ve gotten something wrong about our mental health.   ** Many of us were taught that the only time to pay attention to our mental health was in crisis.  If we approached other parts of our health in this way, it would look like only seeking out a doctor when we had a heart attack and refusing to go to preventative check-ups or do a stress test when we have a scare.    With our physical health, we often take preventative measures and attempt interventions to help us return to wellness.    Why is it so hard for many of us to think of our mental health in the same way?    When it comes to our mental health, we equate health with a lack of attention, prevention, or intervention. Physical health is not determined by whether we get sick or not but by our ability to recover using the tools at our disposal. We know healthy people are healthy because they get sick and can get well again!   **“Mental health is about having feelings that fit the situation and then managing those feelings well.”  —Lisa Damour, PhD. Clinical Psychologist** It’s appropriate for a healthy person’s white blood cells to rush to address germs, just as it’s appropriate for our bodies to respond with anxiety or sadness in the face of uncertainty and loss.    It makes sense that when we encounter difficult or traumatic circumstances, physically or mentally, we require additional support or different interventions than other seasons of our lives.   If we spend months in a hospital, we would expect to need to follow up with our PCP and potentially take part in outpatient therapies to aid our recovery. In the same way, we might expect to create a continuing care plan after leaving an intensive therapeutic experience.   **At Milestones and Onsite, we like to say that there is a continuum of care that a person can deploy based on their circumstances. Our mental health ebbs and flows, as do our mental health needs and goals.   ** As we grow in our emotional health, we may desire a deeper exploration into our past to create a plan for our future and seek out professionals who specialize in innovative modalities, attend an intensive or group workshop experience, or take part in an intensive outpatient program for a season.   When life is going well, we may shift our frequency or cadence with our professional support and to more preventative measures like regular therapy sessions, a process group, or coaching.    Following an impactful growth experience like Milestones or an Onsite intensive or workshop, we may want to transition to a more concentrated level of care like an intensive outpatient program.   ### How do you determine the next right step based on your current health and goals?   We suggest spending time creating a plan by connecting with yourself, the safe people in your life, and the trusted professionals in your support system.   **To get you started, we’ve provided a few questions for self-reflection.** #### 10 Questions to Assess Where You Are and Where You Want to Go Next On Your Mental Health Journey.   1. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your mental and emotional health?    1. Do you feel like your feelings fit the situation and then you can manage those feelings well consistently?    1. What does your mental health support look like in this season?   1. Have you recently encountered a difficult or traumatic circumstance, or are you going through a transition?    1. Do you feel like you’ve tapped the efficiency of your current support and want to explore a different form of support?    1. Do you have consistent mental health tools to help you manage stress and anxiety?   1. Do you have preventative routines and habits that serve and support your mental health?    1. What feels like the right amount of support in this season?    1. Could a deeper experience like a workshop or intensive outpatient program enhance your current therapeutic relationship?    1. What do the trusted voices in your life suggest as your next step?    As you reflect on these questions, we’d love to support you on your emotional and mental health journey through our continuum of care options. Explore our offerings, including [Onsite Wellness House’s Intensive Outpatient Program](https://experienceonsite.com/onsite-wellness-house), which recently opened in Nashville.    #### Five Experiences from Milestones and Onsite’s Continuum of Care    ##### Milestones    Milestones is a comprehensive and bespoke residential therapy experience that focuses on healing what hurts and finding a new way forward. Ready to address the trauma, anxiety, codependency, and stress that’s weighing you down? We’re here for you.   [Explore Milestones](https://www.experiencemilestones.com/) ##### Onsite Wellness House’s Intensive Outpatient Program    At [Onsite Wellness House](https://experienceonsite.com/onsite-wellness-house/), we help you build practices and rhythms that lead to long-term success, not just short-term relief. By providing safe, accessible, and engaging weekly group programming coupled with best-in-class individual trauma counseling, Onsite Wellness House provides a bespoke healing experience to help you find sustained wholeness.   [Explore Onsite Wellness House](https://experienceonsite.com/onsite-wellness-house/) ##### Onsite Intensive    Intensives at Onsite are individually curated to provide a customized space for hope and healing. A therapist or a team of therapists will create a custom experience tailored to get you unstuck and on a growth path. Available for individuals, couples, families, or groups. [Explore Intensives](https://experienceonsite.com/intensives/) ##### Onsite Group Workshop   Experience outer change through inner healing. Take a step back, reset, and unlock the many joys of the whole of who you are. Our workshops are designed for personal growth in a safe, welcoming, and collaborative environment that allows you to explore and cultivate lasting positive change.   [Explore Workshops](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/) ##### Online Courses   Self-guided learning to meet you wherever you are—because, yes, you can do the work in sweatpants.  Further your growth with affordable and accessible classes.    [Explore online courses](https://experienceonsite.com/online-courses/) Our team is here to help you find the best next step for your healing journey—whether at Onsite or Milestones, or somewhere else within our wide referral network. [Begin your journey](https://experienceonsite.com/registration/) [GET IN TOUCH](https://experienceonsite.com/contact-us/) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-339-934x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Nicole--scaled.jpg) ![A man sitting alone with a cup of coffee while staring out the window at his side](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-599-edited-1050x1400.jpg) ![A group of people chatting at a small table](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-614.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman sitting in a window seat with a cup of tea, enjoying a serene view of a green landscape, reflecting the supportive environment of Milestones mental health treatment facility.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Nicole--1080x1400.jpg) Mental Health | Blog ### The One Thing AI Will Never Give You in Therapy July 25, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/07/25/the-one-thing-ai-will-never-give-you-in-therapy/) [![Group of diverse individuals smiling and engaging in conversation at a rustic setting, reflecting a supportive environment for mental health treatment and community connection.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-259-1-1400x934.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### The Power of Being Together: Why Trauma Work Needs In‑Person Presence  June 10, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-power-of-being-together/) [![Group of individuals walking along a path in a serene outdoor setting at Milestones mental health facility, surrounded by lush greenery and trees, emphasizing a supportive environment for healing.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite_JC1-4-1-1400x933.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### The Myths of Milestones: Debunking Misconceptions About Long-Term Mental Health Treatment May 27, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-myths-of-milestones/) [![Interior of a mental health treatment facility, featuring diverse individuals engaged in conversation, a cozy seating area, and a neon sign reading "HOPE," reflecting a supportive environment for long-term mental health care.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP2-1400x933.webp) Emotional Health | Blog ### A Look Inside: Touring Onsite’s Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee May 20, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/touring-onsites-new-counseling-office-nashville-tennessee/) [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing April 21, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/why-group-therapy-is-integral-to-true-healing/) [![Person holding a glass of water on a wooden tray, surrounded by greenery, symbolizing a calm and supportive environment for mental health treatment at Milestones.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Photo-Aug-31-2022-2-17-07-PM-1.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Let This Be The Year You Finally Reclaim Your Life January 3, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/1/3/let-this-be-the-year-you-finally-reclaim-your-life/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-80-934x1400.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why “Fine” Isn’t Good Enough  October 23, 2024](https://experienceonsite.com/2024/10/23/why-fine-isnt-good-enough/) --- --- title: "Seen, Heard, Valued — Overcoming the Barriers to Group Therapy " slug: "seen-heard-valued-overcoming-the-barriers-to-group-therapy" date: "2023-12-26 16:35:22" author: "mickenzie" --- ![Group of three women engaged in conversation, showcasing emotional support and connection, within a cozy indoor setting, reflecting the community aspect of Onsite Counseling's Intensive Outpatient Program.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030670.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Seen, Heard, Valued Overcoming the Barriers to Group Therapy  From the [Onsite Journal ](https://experienceonsite.com/journal/)— Volume 4 “We don’t heal in isolation, but in community.” **S .  Kelley Harrell** Something almost magical happens at the end of every week at Onsite. It’s phenomenal to witness. As participants of our group workshops prepare to end their experience, they’re often heard reveling in the joy of their new connections, grieving goodbyes, or chatting about their eagerness to create deeper bonds at home. After spending a week exploring their stories and diving into the power of community, they emerge as fuller versions of themselves, starkly contrasting how they started the week. Groundedness, resilience, and lightness have replaced their anxiety and apprehension. *That’s what community can do for us.* Group therapy can play a vital role in our healing and show us how to cultivate more meaningful relationships. But before we can experience this incredible healing, we must first overcome the things preventing us from leaning in. ### How Trauma Keeps Us From Leaning Into Relationships One of the most significant factors standing in the way of our greatest healing is trauma. Trauma is like an injury that impacts our nervous systems, bodies, minds, and belief systems. The negative beliefs that emerge from this type of injury informs our perception of safety, empowerment, responsibility, and ultimately, our view of self. This all creates several barriers to intimacy, impacting the way we show up in relationships. #### BARRIER 1: Distrust of Others Trauma impedes our ability to feel safe in our bodies, relationships, and the world, leading to a fear of vulnerability and ultimately distrust of others. If we have been hurt, we may struggle to believe it won’t happen again or that we can trust ourselves enough to discern who is “safe.” So we learn to wall up and keep our story close to protect us from ever being hurt again. This often leads to chronic feelings of disconnection. Yet in the same way that our views of safety and trust can be broken, they can also be *rebuilt*. By courageously showing up and reminding ourselves of our own resilience, we can open ourselves up to new and corrective experiences with others. *But it’s not easy and requires risk.* #### BARRIER 2: Disempowerment We do not get to choose the trauma we experience, nor can we control its impact. This often makes us feel disempowered and out of control. When we are forced to navigate adverse life experiences, it makes sense that we would have difficulty regaining our footing, finding our voice, or having hope for a different future. Pursuing healing in a group context can help us regain a sense of groundedness. Communities, like life, can be both supportive and activating. While we cannot always change what may activate us, we can learn to change our relationship with it. Within a group context, we practice self- attunement, helping us know how to respond to our world instead of reacting to it, so we can choose to show up in a different way. When these new habits become ingrained skills, we can regain a sense of empowerment over what we can change—ourselves. Witnessing this growth in ourselves and others allows hope to reform. #### BARRIER 3: Shame The impact on our view of self and sense of responsibility often go hand in hand. The lingering voice of trauma shows up as shame and tells us that we are unworthy, undeserving, or broken. It tries to convince us that if we share our story, we’ll be misunderstood, judged, or perceived as a burden. Despite shame often feeling like a cloud of darkness, we know it cannot live in the light. The more we speak life into our painful experiences and allow others to be present with all parts of us, the more we can detach our identity from our trauma and see ourselves more fully. Our trauma is what happened to us, not who we are. #### BARRIER 4: Isolation Trauma often leaves the weight of healing on the individual. Many trauma survivors feel an inflated sense of responsibility to “fix themselves.” The belief that we can only enter into relationships after we’ve found healing perpetuates isolation. The beautiful paradox for those who may hesitate to show all of themselves is that community and relationships are a form of healing, not a reward for being healed. Barry Checkoway says that “community has many definitions including a ‘unit of the solution.’” Meaningful connections are not just a goal— they are a roadmap to healing. ### How Group Work Mirrors Our Relationships When we enter any group work experience, we enter a community that can offer us insights into how we function in other relationships. The peers who were once strangers become the pillars of the safe container where we rebuild trust and connection and explore different parts of ourselves. We get to both witness ourselves and others. #### Witnessing Ourselves Through the Group Process We all exist in relationships. We are in a relationship with people through different contexts. We may be a friend, partner, son or daughter, boss, parent, etc. We are also in relationships with our careers, roles, or other places and parts of our world. When we give and receive support in the group experience, we allow others to show up for us, which is an act of showing up for ourselves. What can often feel like a personal struggle becomes a shared experience, and we cease to feel alone in our pain. Brené Brown says, “the two most powerful words we can hear are ‘me too.’” #### Witnessing Others Through the Group Process Much of the beauty of group work is also being a witness to others. We often find ourselves by being with someone and listening to their experience. We relate to their story and pain and can gain new perspectives as we see their healing and breakthrough unfold. The different vantage point takes us out of the hot seat, allowing our nervous system to settle while seeing a shared wound through a different lens. Doing our work can feel like holding a microscope up to all our story’s pain and raw feelings. It can be intimate and personal and come with a flooding of emotions. Participating in and witnessing others’ journeys brings us healing in a profoundly unique way. When we observe another’s work, we can view both the forest and the trees. We can see ourselves in all that plays out but with the eyes of compassion. By extending compassion, grace, and understanding to others, we also learn to offer that to ourselves. It’s an incredible phenomenon. It’s been shown that group work frequently equals or surpasses individual healing because of the impact of connecting, gaining perspective, and being seen. As the saying goes, “To be seen is to heal.” ### Healing As A Community The idea of healing together is not a new concept. In fact, it’s been used in different cultures throughout all of history. Long before we had group therapy, we had neighbors and communities that helped us connect, share history, and process painful life experiences. Research has shown the impact of using connection, shared history, and culture in healing Africana groups. Indigenous communities have been studied for their grief-processing traditions. And Holocaust survivors were recognized as they joined together for remembrance. I’ve been privileged to see this firsthand. Prior to Onsite, my career led me to many places, including a small town in Kenya. The town and people had been impacted by decades of trauma, poverty, and a high prevalence of HIV. I was welcomed to an organization that supported peers by offering resources and seeing the people as a resource in themselves. They embraced healing each other through healing together and leaned on their culture, storytelling, and bonds to ignite change. At Onsite, we see the power of community each week as new groups come together, relationships are formed, and participants leave feeling deeply connected to their peers. Within what we call the “safe container” of the group, the parts of us we typically keep hidden are shared, and people are seen, heard, and valued, sometimes for the first time. That courage to be vulnerable with others gives way to finding more intimate connections in our lives and ourselves. In my healing journey, the most powerful moments have been when I could simply share my story and have another person reach out their hand. ### How Group Work Impacts Our Real Lives Each week we see grief and gratitude emerge from the group process. We’re reminded that while the group is a special place for many, that experience ripples into our lives at home. As we get to know ourselves more deeply, we can show up with others more authentically. This allows our relationships to shift and new relationships to form. We begin to welcome vulnerability and find ourselves in spaces where we feel seen, heard, validated, and respected, offering that to others in return. Though we may not see or feel it, every one of us already exists in a group. Our family, friends, and neighbors are all communities within our reach. We know that social support is essential to physical and mental health, and healing continues outside the walls of therapy. If we lean into the communities already around us and learn to love each other well, a world of possibilities unfolds. Discover the healing power of community. Our [workshops](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/) are designed for personal growth in a safe, welcoming, and collaborative environment that allows you to explore and cultivate lasting positive change. Find The Right workshop for you *For more articles from our clinical team, descriptions of Onsite’s robust digital and in-person experiences, and powerful stories from Onsite Alum, pick up a copy of our annual Onsite Journal.* ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030744.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030634.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030596-1120x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030892.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030705.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030723.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030467-1120x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030797.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "Unlocking the Powerful Healing of Group Therapy" slug: "the-healing-power-of-community" date: "2024-05-14 19:39:28" author: "Caroline Wiedemann" --- ![Unlocking the Powerful Healing of Group Therapy](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030634.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # How to Push Past the Fear of Being Seen and Known  Unlock the healing power of community Have you ever had the debilitating fear that if people *really* knew you, they’d reject you?   **Brene Brown once said, “We’re afraid that people won’t like us if they know the truth about who we are, where we came from, what we believe, how much we’re struggling, or, believe it or not, how wonderful we are when we are soaring.”** While we wish we could say this fear is unfounded, the truth is that most of us, at one point in our lives, have allowed someone to see an intimate part of us, and faced the pain of rejection. When this happens, we often wall up, retreat, and tell ourselves never to let it happen again. We learn to hide parts of ourselves and isolate ourselves from people because it’s better to be alone than to be hurt like that again, right? But the thing is, what we think will **protect** us (hiding away) inevitably damages us even more. When we shut people out, we experience loneliness, fear, and hindered growth.   **So, how do we push past the fear and allow ourselves to be seen and known? **  Like every other important skill we’ve developed in life, we practice, we risk, and we **try again**.   It may seem easier said than done, but a universal truth we’ve found at Onsite is that while we’re wounded in community, our greatest healing also comes through community.   **“Through others we become ourselves.” —Lev Vygotsky  ** ## How Group Therapy Helps Us Build Trust in Our Relationships  One of the greatest ways to practice relationships is through the group therapeutic process. We believe in it so much that it is the foundation for our [group experiential workshops](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/)).   The therapeutic group process provides a structure and sets the stage for healing as we engage with others and build the muscles required to allow ourselves to be truly seen and known.   According to the theory and practice of [Group Psychotherapy](https://thehumancondition.com/group-therapy/), there are 11 key factors essential to group therapy:   ### The Principles of Group Therapy - **Instillation of hope:** A sense of optimism is created by building participants’ confidence about the great potential of being in group therapy and that recovery is possible.  - **Universality:**Group members are shown that they are not alone in their struggle and that other people may have similar thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  - **Imparting information:**The group therapist and/or fellow group members seek to educate participants about session content using a psychoeducational format.  - **Altruism:** Helping and supporting others creates an important motivational mindset.  - **The corrective recapitulation of a primary family group:** Dysfunctional patterns or relationships in the group members’ individual families can be identified and transformed into healthier versions.  - **Development of socializing techniques:**Group therapists promote social skills, empathy, tolerance of others, and healthy interpersonal behaviors.  - **Imitative behavior:**Group members both model and imitate behaviors to develop a sense of functional, healthier patterns.  - **Interpersonal learning:** Interpersonal interactions between group members help participants better understand how they experience and interact with others; these interactions also allow group members to perceive how other people experience their feelings and behaviors.  - **Group cohesiveness:** Cohesiveness allows for a group to run smoothly and occurs when members feel valued and a sense of belonging within the group.  - **Catharsis:** Emotional release allows for greater insight to be gained; cohesiveness is a crucial requirement for catharsis to bring meaning and understanding to emotions.  - **Existential factors:**Therapists help group members explore fundamental human experiences like responsibility, death, isolation, freedom, and a sense of purpose.  Each of these principles, within the safe structure of a therapeutic group, connects participants and provides fertile ground for corrective experiences within community.  #### 8 Reasons Why We Heal in Community  - Others act as support networks, accountability partners, empathetic witnesses, and sounding boards.    - Others can help us put our struggles in perspective.    - Others can help us foster empathy and understanding for people with different personalities and backgrounds.   - Others help us regulate ourselves.   - Others can help us feel less alone in our experience.   - Others can give us opportunities to practice newly learned relational and life tools.   - Others can help us unlock experiences and feelings that might go unnoticed or are otherwise unidentified.    - Others help us test the reality of messages that have gone untested our whole lives.   #### Overcoming the Barriers to Group Therapy   There are significant [barriers](https://experienceonsite.com/2023/12/27/seen-heard-valued-overcoming-the-barriers-to-group-therapy/) that keep most of us from engaging in this emotional and mental health work. When we’ve experienced trauma, we’re hard-wired to avoid the spaces, places, and people who caused us pain. This is especially difficult when our trauma happens in the context of relationships.   Trauma is like an injury that impacts our nervous systems, bodies, minds, and belief systems. The negative beliefs from this type of injury inform our perception of safety, empowerment, responsibility, and, ultimately, our view of self.  We often distrust others, feel disempowered in our agency to control things around us, experience the shame of feeling undeserving or misunderstood, and eventually isolate ourselves from all relationships——healthy and unhealthy.   ## How to Find Healing Communities When you decide to lean into healthy and healing relationships, we encourage you to do so strategically. Not everyone has earned the right to have access to you or your story.   Give yourself the grace to dip your toe in the work and accept the invitation to risk being seen and vulnerable in the spaces and places designed to help you heal.   #### Four Spaces to Heal In Community - Cultivate safe friendships   - Find a 12-step meeting   - Consider group therapy in a [residential](http://experiencemilestones.com/) or [short-term setting](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/)   - Ask your therapist for referrals to process groups or group therapy   Allowing ourselves to be seen and known is vulnerable but worth it. On the other side of the risk, there is freedom and connection.   **“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be seen and known.”  —Brené Brown** If you’d like to explore healing within the safe container of community, we invite you to learn more about the [Onsite Experience](https://experienceonsite.com/about-us/experience/). Our [workshops](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/) are designed for personal growth in a secure, welcoming, and collaborative environment that allows you to explore and cultivate lasting positive change.  You’re worth it.  [Begin your journey](https://experienceonsite.com/registration/) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1030467-1120x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-568.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/L1031600-1-1-1400x934.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/DSC09123-scaled.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman sitting in a window seat with a cup of tea, enjoying a serene view of a green landscape, reflecting the supportive environment of Milestones mental health treatment facility.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Nicole--1080x1400.jpg) Mental Health | Blog ### The One Thing AI Will Never Give You in Therapy July 25, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/07/25/the-one-thing-ai-will-never-give-you-in-therapy/) [![Group of diverse individuals smiling and engaging in conversation at a rustic setting, reflecting a supportive environment for mental health treatment and community connection.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-259-1-1400x934.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### The Power of Being Together: Why Trauma Work Needs In‑Person Presence  June 10, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-power-of-being-together/) [![Group of individuals walking along a path in a serene outdoor setting at Milestones mental health facility, surrounded by lush greenery and trees, emphasizing a supportive environment for healing.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite_JC1-4-1-1400x933.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### The Myths of Milestones: Debunking Misconceptions About Long-Term Mental Health Treatment May 27, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-myths-of-milestones/) [![Interior of a mental health treatment facility, featuring diverse individuals engaged in conversation, a cozy seating area, and a neon sign reading "HOPE," reflecting a supportive environment for long-term mental health care.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP2-1400x933.webp) Emotional Health | Blog ### A Look Inside: Touring Onsite’s Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee May 20, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/touring-onsites-new-counseling-office-nashville-tennessee/) [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing April 21, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/why-group-therapy-is-integral-to-true-healing/) [![Person holding a glass of water on a wooden tray, surrounded by greenery, symbolizing a calm and supportive environment for mental health treatment at Milestones.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Photo-Aug-31-2022-2-17-07-PM-1.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Let This Be The Year You Finally Reclaim Your Life January 3, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/1/3/let-this-be-the-year-you-finally-reclaim-your-life/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-80-934x1400.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why “Fine” Isn’t Good Enough  October 23, 2024](https://experienceonsite.com/2024/10/23/why-fine-isnt-good-enough/) --- --- title: "Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing" slug: "why-group-therapy-is-integral-to-true-healing" date: "2025-04-21 20:34:26" author: "Kennedy Looper" --- ![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing **The Lasting Impact of Group Therapy** ##### In pursuing personal growth and emotional healing, many of us turn inward—journaling, meditating, reading self-help books, and trying to “fix” ourselves alone. But here at Onsite, true transformation rarely happens in isolation. Healing is not a solo journey. It’s a communal experience. That’s why group work is a cornerstone of our therapeutic and personal growth experiences. ###### The Hidden Identity in Pain So many of us are afraid of who we are without our pain. Pain becomes part of our identity—a filter we see ourselves through and a crutch we lean on when life feels overwhelming. It gives us something to blame when we feel stuck or disconnected. But what happens when we take away the pain? Who are we without it? That’s the question group work helps answer. ###### The Power of Being Seen In group therapy or personal development intensives, you’re surrounded by others who are showing up just like you—vulnerable, curious, and brave. When those people look at you and say, “I see you. I love you. I accept you,” it changes everything. Because then you’re faced with a more profound truth: maybe the problem isn’t that you’re unlovable. Perhaps the problem is that you haven’t yet learned to fully love and accept yourself. ###### Healing Through Shared Stories Heather Schnoebelen, Onsite’s VP of Clinical Services, puts it beautifully: “When I witness other people’s vulnerability, I start my healing process. I start hearing the similarities between our stories, and I start making connections. It creates more connection with other people, which creates more connection with self.” In other words, our stories—no matter how painful or complex—become bridges instead of barriers. Group work invites us to see ourselves in others and others in ourselves. We discover that healing doesn’t isolate us; it connects us more deeply to the people around us *and* to the person within us. Heather adds: “That’s what people often overlook—group work isn’t powerful *despite* the fact that it’s not just about you. It’s powerful *because* it’s not just about you.” ###### Processing with the Right Group Makes All the Difference At Onsite, we’ve seen firsthand how the right group dynamic can accelerate growth and deepen healing. That’s why we created different group intensive experiences—to help people connect with others who are in similar places and ready to do similar levels of work. **Living Centered** is a group therapy program designed for those looking to take a brave step toward greater clarity, balance, and purpose. It’s a space to explore your story, identify limiting beliefs, and reconnect with who you are at your core. **Healing Trauma**is a safe, trauma-informed group therapy program for those ready to explore and process past pain in a deeper, more targeted way. Whether you’ve experienced acute trauma or complex, long-term trauma, this intensive offers a path toward restoration and peace. These programs aren’t about choosing one over the other—they’re about meeting you right where you are. Many of our participants use one experience as a foundation and return later to build upon the growth they’ve already started. Each path supports the next, helping you move toward healing at the pace and depth that’s right for you. ###### Why You Can’t Fully Heal Alone Here’s the reality: there is no real self-work without group work. At some point, we all need other people to heal fully. You can read every book and sit with every feeling, but until you allow others to witness you, *really* witness you, you’re just walking in circles around yourself. Group work is where healing takes root and begins to flourish. It’s where isolation becomes connection, shame becomes shared humanity, and pain begins to lose its grip. ###### Healing Should Expand You, Not Shrink You If the inner work you’re doing is making your world feel smaller, more confined, or lonelier, it may be time to take another step forward in healing and try something different. Group healing doesn’t close you off. Instead, group healing opens you up to yourself, others, and experiences in life by giving you hope and the restated truth that you have never been alone in your feelings. Healing in a group setting expands your capacity for love, connection, and meaning. At Onsite, we believe healing should make the vastness of what it means to be human feel like something you can actually hold in your hands, not because the weight of the human experience shrinks, but because you learn how to allow others to help you hold it. ###### Join Us—And Be Seen Our group intensives at Onsite are intentionally crafted to help you step into that vastness safely and empathetically. Whether you’re navigating trauma, burnout, grief, or simply feeling stuck in life, you don’t have to do it alone. In fact, we don’t believe you *should*. Let us walk with you. [Explore our group therapy intensives](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/) and take the next brave step toward becoming the person you were always meant to be. [LEARN MORE ABOUT onsite](https://experienceonsite.com/) [CONNECT WITH OUR TEAM](https://experienceonsite.com/registration/) ![group of ladies talking](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) ![group of people sitting in a circle on the floor](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/L1030634-1400x934-1.webp) ![group eating at table](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-532.jpg) ## Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman sitting in a window seat with a cup of tea, enjoying a serene view of a green landscape, reflecting the supportive environment of Milestones mental health treatment facility.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Nicole--1080x1400.jpg) Mental Health | Blog ### The One Thing AI Will Never Give You in Therapy July 25, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/07/25/the-one-thing-ai-will-never-give-you-in-therapy/) [![Group of diverse individuals smiling and engaging in conversation at a rustic setting, reflecting a supportive environment for mental health treatment and community connection.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-259-1-1400x934.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### The Power of Being Together: Why Trauma Work Needs In‑Person Presence  June 10, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-power-of-being-together/) [![Group of individuals walking along a path in a serene outdoor setting at Milestones mental health facility, surrounded by lush greenery and trees, emphasizing a supportive environment for healing.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite_JC1-4-1-1400x933.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### The Myths of Milestones: Debunking Misconceptions About Long-Term Mental Health Treatment May 27, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-myths-of-milestones/) [![Interior of a mental health treatment facility, featuring diverse individuals engaged in conversation, a cozy seating area, and a neon sign reading "HOPE," reflecting a supportive environment for long-term mental health care.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP2-1400x933.webp) Emotional Health | Blog ### A Look Inside: Touring Onsite’s Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee May 20, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/touring-onsites-new-counseling-office-nashville-tennessee/) [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing April 21, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/why-group-therapy-is-integral-to-true-healing/) [![Person holding a glass of water on a wooden tray, surrounded by greenery, symbolizing a calm and supportive environment for mental health treatment at Milestones.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Photo-Aug-31-2022-2-17-07-PM-1.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Let This Be The Year You Finally Reclaim Your Life January 3, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/1/3/let-this-be-the-year-you-finally-reclaim-your-life/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-80-934x1400.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why “Fine” Isn’t Good Enough  October 23, 2024](https://experienceonsite.com/2024/10/23/why-fine-isnt-good-enough/) --- --- title: "5 Steps to Combat Burnout and Go from Surviving to Thriving" slug: "5-steps-to-combat-burnout-and-go-from-surviving-to-thriving" date: "2022-04-14 12:30:10" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![5 Steps to Combat Burnout and Go from Surviving to Thriving](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/0P9A8732.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # 5 Steps to Combat Burnout and Go from Surviving to Thriving Originally posted in collaboration with [StyleBlueprint](https://styleblueprint.com/nashville/everyday/how-to-combat-burnout/?omhide=true&utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=%E2%9C%A8+5+Steps+to+Combat+Burnout+and+Go+from+Surviving+to+Thriving&utm_campaign=SB+Daily+-+Nashville+-+2022-04-12+-+Send+2). The term “burnout” doesn’t just apply to a culture of overwork. You can be burned out on other aspects of your life, too. But life is too short and far too precious to get stuck in that space. We talked to the emotional health experts at [Onsite](https://onsiteworkshops.com/events/) about what burnout can look like, actionable steps for addressing the symptoms, and how to avoid falling victim to future burnout. “Unaddressed burnout can cost you your job, put strain on your relationships, and affect your self-esteem,” says Austin Houghtaling, Vice President of Clinical Services at Onsite. Houghtaling and the team at Onsite offer tremendous advice on how to break patterns that lead to burnout and live a healthier life overall. It starts with learning to recognize the signs. ### Action #1: Identify Your Values When we’re out of sync with our values, we can feel depleted, aimless, and exhausted. To combat burnout, we have to be honest about what truly matters to us. When we identify our values and align our life to work with our values rather than against them, we can begin to build a life of peace, purpose, and clarity. Today, take ten minutes to brainstorm what matters most to you. Contemplate your non-negotiables. Not sure where to start? Just start writing! Write about what you care about, the people you love, and your goals. Look for recurring themes and connections. But remember, the goal isn’t for this list to be impressive — the goal is to help you get clear about what drives you. ### Action #2: Track (and Observe) Your Time Spend a few weeks keeping track of the tasks, activities, and rhythms that fill your day. Notice what gives you energy and what drains you. Next, get curious about what it feels like in your body, heart, and mind when you’re nearing exhaustion and burnout. Finally, notice the ties between what fills up most of your time and the values you’ve identified as important. How much of your time is spent in ways that serve the core values you’ve identified? The Onsite team likes to say, “You’re a human being, not a human doing,” and “You are more than what you do. You are more than what you produce. You are more than a list of accolades or accomplishments.” We get burned out when we lean more into *doing* than *being*. In our fast-paced culture, overworking and overproducing are not only accepted but also celebrated, so it’s easy to overlook the distinction between *doing* and *living.* If you find that your schedule does not align with your values, it might be time for an adjustment. ### Action #3: Create Space to Reflect It would be nearly impossible to read a book without margins, so why would we try to live our lives that way? Carve out time to rest and reconnect with yourself. Use that time to reflect on what you’re noticing. Not sure where to start? Use these questions as a guide: - Do you feel like you are in charge of your days, or do you feel like your days are in charge of you? - Who are you? Who do you want to be? - Do your values and your schedule feel in conflict? - What people, places, and activities fuel you? - What people, places, and activities drain you? - What are the signs and symptoms of burnout that affect you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally? **RELATED: Say This, and NOT This, to Friends Who Are Struggling** ### Action #4: Set Boundaries Once you’ve identified what’s important to you (and what’s getting in the way), you’ll likely have to establish a few new boundaries. Our culture often thinks of boundaries as disagreeable or selfish, but as Prentis Hemphill once said, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” Boundaries help us say “yes” to things that matter and “no” to things that aren’t a priority at the time. Take a few moments to identify boundaries you need to set around your time, capacity, or schedule so you can be more present for what matters to you. If you have a hard time setting and enforcing boundaries, here are a few phrases that might help: - Thank you for thinking of me, but that doesn’t work for me. - I’m not adding anything to my calendar at this time. - No, thank you. - I would love to say yes, but I have to say no. - I’m not available this time. ### Action #5: Establish a Routine to Check In With Yourself You don’t have to wait until you’re burned out to make changes. Intentionally building in these rhythms will prevent future crashes. Steps to take to prevent burnout: - Put check-ins on the calendar, and commit to them. - Make a list of the signs you exhibit when you feel yourself experiencing burnout. - Make a list of activities and people that refuel you. - Share those lists with a trusted friend and ask them to check in with you. Burnout thrives in isolation; you don’t have to go through it alone! - Set limits with technology. For example, try shutting off your phone after 8 p.m. (For more tips on limiting screen time, [click here](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZM2fQClH71/).) - Schedule breaks for yourself throughout the day, and don’t forget to hydrate! - Write your values down in a prominent place where you will see them every day. So often, with burnout and other mental health matters, we wait until we’re in crisis to seek help. Remember, you don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to take care of yourself. By showing up for yourself, you can show up for those around you from a place of fullness — rather than exhaustion or obligation. Take a few minutes to care for yourself this week before burnout and breakdown. You deserve it! ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1010702-cropped-scaled.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A9858-1400x933.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A9997-1400x933.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Classic-Symptoms-of-Burnout.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship" slug: "10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen-in-your-relationship" date: "2026-10-15 17:21:01" author: "Kennedy Looper" --- ![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship The moments that make someone feel known are usually smaller than we expect, and easier to miss than we’d like to admit. ![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited-700x700.jpg) ## You help your partner feel seen by noticing the small ways they reach for you and responding to them. When people say they don’t feel seen by their partner, they’re rarely talking about a missing anniversary trip or an expensive gift. Usually they’re talking about something smaller: the appointment nobody asked about, the tired tone nobody caught, the story they started telling while their partner kept scrolling, the question that didn’t get asked in return. **So here’s the short answer:** You help your partner feel seen by noticing the small ways they reach for you and responding to them. Leaving a note, asking how the meeting went, remembering the thing they mentioned once. None of these take much time. What they take is attention, and attention is one of the clearest ways a person learns they matter to you. Relationship researchers have a name for those small reaches. They call them **bids for connection**, and understanding them changes how you’ll read the ten ideas below. ### What Are Bids for Connection? A bid is any attempt to get your partner’s attention, affection, humor, or support. The term comes from the work of psychologist John Gottman, whose research team observed couples going about ordinary days and studied how partners responded to each other’s small moments of reaching out [[1]](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/#1). Bids are usually small, and they’re rarely about what they seem to be about. “Did you see this article?” is technically about an article. Underneath, it’s often a quieter question: “*Will you share this with me? Are you here?*“ When a bid is made, a partner can respond in a few ways. They can **turn toward** it by engaging, **turn away** by missing or not responding, or **turn against it**with irritation or dismissal. In one study, newlyweds who were still married six years later had turned toward each other’s bids 86% of the time, while couples who later divorced had done so only 33% of the time [[2](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/#2), [3]](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/#3). **One missed bid doesn’t define a relationship**. Everyone misses some. Over months and years, though, the way two people tend to respond to each other starts to shape how close they feel. That’s the lens for the list below. Each of these is a way of turning toward. ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen ##### 1. Leave them a note somewhere unexpected On the bathroom mirror, in their bag, next to the coffee maker. A note lands because it shows they were on your mind when they weren’t in the room. It’s also a bid of your own, a small reach that asks nothing back. ##### 2. Give them credit in front of other people Let them hear you speak well of who they are and what they bring. Private appreciation matters, and hearing your partner describe you generously to a friend or family member carries a different kind of weight. It tells them your respect for them holds even when they aren’t the audience. ##### 3. Follow up Ask how the meeting, appointment, or conversation went. When your partner mentioned it earlier in the week, they may have been making a bid without saying so out loud: this matters to me, and I’d like you to know about it. Following up is how they find out you caught it. ##### 4. Make their life a little easier without being asked Take something off their plate because you noticed it was full. The important word there is noticed. Doing a chore you were asked to do is helpful. Handling the one you could tell they were dreading tells them you’ve been paying attention to what they carry. ##### 5. Do something that says “I know you” Save them the good piece. Send the song. Bring home their favorite treat. Remember the small thing. A generic gesture can still feel kind, but a gesture only you would think to make is what helps someone feel known. ##### 6. Protect something that matters to them Their quiet time, their workout, a friendship, their Saturday morning ritual. Most people have a few things that help them feel like themselves. When a partner guards those things instead of competing with them, it shows care for the whole person, including the parts of their life that don’t revolve around the relationship. ##### 7. Learn their “off” signs Notice when they’re quieter, shorter, busier, or just not quite themselves. A lot of bids are never spoken. They show up as a shift in tone, a heavier sigh, or a partner who seems a little further away than usual. When you learn your partner’s particular signals, you can respond to what they’re feeling and not only to what they’re saying. ##### 8. Ask one more question When you think you understand, stay curious a little longer. Many of us stop listening the moment we think we’ve got the point, and start working on our reply. One more question, like “What was the hardest part?” or “How are you feeling about it now?”, lets your partner know you want to understand them and not only the situation. ##### 9. Put down what you’re doing when they start talking Sometimes attention is the clearest way to say “you matter to me.” Phones are the obvious example, but half-listening also happens while cooking, finishing an email, or watching the game. Turning toward can be as simple as looking up. It’s one of the most common places a bid goes unanswered, usually without anyone meaning for it to. ##### 10. Get curious about who they’re becoming Don’t assume you already know everything about the person you love. Over a long relationship, people change. Interests shift, priorities rearrange, old worries soften and new ones show up. Gottman has described a lasting relationship as one where both partners feel known, valued, and accepted for who they are and who they’re becoming [[4].](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/#4) Staying curious keeps you in relationship with the person in front of you today. ### Why Do Partners Stop Feeling Seen? **It rarely comes down to one big moment. More often, small bids go unnoticed for long enough that one or both partners start making fewer of them.** The notes stop. The “did you see this?” texts slow down. Reaching for someone and not being met is discouraging, so people gradually reach less, even when the love underneath is still there. **If you’re reading this because you’re the one who feels unseen,** it can be tempting to treat this list as a record of everything your partner isn’t doing. It’s worth holding that loosely. Many bids get missed because they don’t look like bids, and that goes both ways. **Your partner may be reaching for you in ways that are easy to overlook, and you may be reaching in ways they haven’t learned to recognize. Both people make bids, and both people miss them.** That makes it a pattern between you rather than a problem with one of you. ### Is a List Enough to Help Your Partner Feel Seen? A list is a good place to start, and it’s worth trying a few of these this week. It’s also worth being honest about its limits. You may find some ideas land beautifully and others barely register. **That’s because these ten ways are responses, and a response works best when you can recognize what your partner is actually reaching for.** That kind of recognition is a skill, and couples can get better at it with time, attention, and practice [2]. Most couples have simply never slowed down long enough to look at what their particular bids look like, which ones have quietly gone missing over the years, and which ones they’d want back. ### How Can Couples Learn to See Each Other More Clearly? This is a big part of what happens at [the Coupleship Experience](https://experienceonsite.com/coupleship), Onsite’s weekend program for couples who want to better understand themselves, each other, and the patterns shaping their relationship. One session is devoted entirely to bids for connection. With guided teaching from Onsite’s lead clinicians, [Matt Wade & Heather Schnoebelen](https://experienceonsite.com/coupleship#lecturers), you and your partner will learn to recognize the bids that show up in your relationship, look honestly at how you each tend to respond, and have conversation about the ways you used to reach for each other that you might want to bring back. **You’ll do it together, with time and space set aside for the conversation, instead of guessing at it alone on a busy weeknight.** You don’t have to wait until something feels broken to start paying closer attention. Many couples come simply because they want to keep knowing each other well. If this list brought your partner to mind, or the moments you’ve been hoping they’d notice, that may be the place to begin. [LEARN MORE ABOUT THE COUPLESHIP EXPERIENCE](https://experienceonsite.com/coupleship) ### Sources and Further Reading The research in this article comes from the published work of Dr. John Gottman and The Gottman Institute. If you’d like to explore it further, these are good places to start: 1. Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2001). *The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships*. Harmony Books. 2. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999; revised 2015). [*The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work*.](https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0) Harmony Books. 3. The Gottman Institute. [An Introduction to Emotional Bids and Trust](https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-emotional-bids-and-trust/). 4. Gottman, J., Schwartz Gottman, J., Abrams, D., & Abrams, R. C. (2019). [*Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love*.](https://www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essential-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/1523504463/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0) Workman Publishing. *This article is for general education and isn’t a substitute for professional mental health care. If your relationship involves abuse, threats, or concerns about your safety, please reach out to a qualified professional or a domestic violence hotline in your area.* ### Learn to see each other again: The Coupleship Experience. [CONNECT WITH OUR TEAM](https://experienceonsite.com/registration/) ## The Myths of Milestones: Debunking Misconceptions About Long-Term Mental Health Treatment [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman sitting in a window seat with a cup of tea, enjoying a serene view of a green landscape, reflecting the supportive environment of Milestones mental health treatment facility.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Nicole--1080x1400.jpg) Mental Health | Blog ### The One Thing AI Will Never Give You in Therapy July 25, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/07/25/the-one-thing-ai-will-never-give-you-in-therapy/) [![Group of diverse individuals smiling and engaging in conversation at a rustic setting, reflecting a supportive environment for mental health treatment and community connection.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-259-1-1400x934.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### The Power of Being Together: Why Trauma Work Needs In‑Person Presence  June 10, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-power-of-being-together/) [![Group of individuals walking along a path in a serene outdoor setting at Milestones mental health facility, surrounded by lush greenery and trees, emphasizing a supportive environment for healing.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Onsite_JC1-4-1-1400x933.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### The Myths of Milestones: Debunking Misconceptions About Long-Term Mental Health Treatment May 27, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/05/27/the-myths-of-milestones/) [![Interior of a mental health treatment facility, featuring diverse individuals engaged in conversation, a cozy seating area, and a neon sign reading "HOPE," reflecting a supportive environment for long-term mental health care.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IOP2-1400x933.webp) Emotional Health | Blog ### A Look Inside: Touring Onsite’s Counseling Office in Nashville, Tennessee May 20, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/touring-onsites-new-counseling-office-nashville-tennessee/) [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why Group Therapy Is Integral to True Healing April 21, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/4/21/why-group-therapy-is-integral-to-true-healing/) [![Person holding a glass of water on a wooden tray, surrounded by greenery, symbolizing a calm and supportive environment for mental health treatment at Milestones.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Photo-Aug-31-2022-2-17-07-PM-1.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Let This Be The Year You Finally Reclaim Your Life January 3, 2025](https://experienceonsite.com/2025/1/3/let-this-be-the-year-you-finally-reclaim-your-life/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-80-934x1400.jpg) Emotional Health | Blog ### Why “Fine” Isn’t Good Enough  October 23, 2024](https://experienceonsite.com/2024/10/23/why-fine-isnt-good-enough/) --- --- title: "Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Your Emotions, Even at Work" slug: "emotions-at-work" date: "2022-08-17 13:57:49" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Your Emotions, Even at Work](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/0P9A0239.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Your Emotions, Even at Work Originally posted in collaboration with [StyleBlueprint](https://styleblueprint.com/everyday/managing-emotions-at-work/). Though we’ve made progress in opening up the conversation around mental health, there remains a stigma associated with being “too emotional” — especially for women, and especially at work. Still, many experts urge us to embrace our emotions and learn to value them as information that can help us learn, grow, and even become more successful professionally. And, let’s get real: Having an emotional connection to our work shouldn’t be considered a negative. We spoke with Candi Shelton, one of the emotional wellness experts at [Onsite](https://onsiteworkshops.com/), for ways to better understand and manage your emotions in the workplace and beyond. Read on for strategies that will help you interpret and share your emotions effectively, tips for navigating the emotional dynamics of a team, and more! ## Managing Your Emotions at Work and Beyond ### Try looking at emotions as information. Many of us grew up with a narrative about our emotions, even if we can’t readily identify this narrative. Sometimes it is shaped by phrases: *“Don’t cry,”* *“You’re being too sensitive,”* or *“That’s enough of that.” *Sometimes the narrative gets told through the unwritten rules inside our families of origin. For instance, maybe certain emotions were off-limits for us because they were monopolized by someone else. Or perhaps certain emotions were labeled “bad,” and others were labeled “good.” If we can consider our emotions as vital mechanisms for delivering information, then we can begin to see just how useful ALL emotions can be. In fact, if we’re willing to get curious, each of our emotions offers us a gift and invitation that will serve us in every area of our lives, including work. ### Each emotion offers us a unique gift: - **Sadness**: Sadness values and honors what is missed. - **Anger**: Anger awakens us to injustice and motivates us into action. - **Fear**: Fear keeps us safe. It helps us practice and prepare. - **Shame**: Shame awakens us to our humility and our humanity. It creates an opportunity to embrace self-love. - **Joy**: Joy helps us discover the fullness and richness of life. ### Managing emotions in the workplace There’s a significant distinction between being viewed as “too emotional” in the workplace versus “emotionally intelligent.” The first suggests a sense of volatility and the impression that your emotions are ruling your decisions; the second suggests a sense of wisdom and understanding of your environment. To be emotionally intelligent, awareness is crucial — awareness of ourselves, our own emotional landscapes, and also the experiences of others. Through awareness, we develop a healthy working relationship with our emotions, allowing us to remain in the driver’s seat while gaining insight into what our emotions may be communicating. We’ll dig deep into the best ways to share your emotions (and receive when others share), but often, the perception of being emotional (or *un*emotional) is directly related to our behavior. Here are three tips from the folks at Onsite for managing the way that you show your emotions in the workplace: - **Get curious:** Showing emotions is about expression, and expression is up for interpretation in many ways. Things like cultural norms, personality types, and even our ever-changing moods can dictate how we express our emotions. So, one of the first things we can do in showing emotion is to simply start paying attention. Remember, we think of emotions as pieces of information, so if we get curious and pay attention to how we express them, we can use that information to build more self-awareness. - **Be conscious of context:** One thing we can do to show our emotions appropriately is by aligning with the context of a given situation. For example, if we are in a meeting with colleagues and it gets heated, it’s appropriate to express our emotions in a way that communicates our passion and perspective. It’s not appropriate to express emotion in a way that harms others or shuts down the conversation. Gaining that self-awareness will help us express emotion so that it aligns with the moment. Sometimes raising your voice may be what the moment calls for; sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes laughing loudly is a perfect display of emotion, and other times it’s not. - **Don’t try to control:** Another thing to note is that sometimes we express emotions in ways that we don’t always mean. Sometimes when we’re angry or frustrated, we might tear up. Sometimes when we’re sad, we may laugh. Expressing emotions is tricky because we may feel we don’t always have “control” over them, and that might be the most important thing to consider when we talk about how we express emotion in the workplace. Perhaps we could be better served by not trying to “control” our emotions, but by identifying them, understanding them, and then working with them so that they serve us instead of feeling like a liability. ### When and how to share personal hardships with coworkers Bringing our whole selves to our work makes us better leaders and employees, but it can be difficult to know what to share and when. If you’re dealing with something difficult in your personal life that affects your work, it’s beneficial to let your colleagues and supervisors know. You don’t have to share every detail. Instead, share how it affects your ability to complete your work and what you may need in the way of support. For example, “My partner has been sick, so I haven’t been sleeping well, and my anxiety is high. I can’t seem to focus the way I want to. If it’s possible for me to push this deadline by a few days, it would be helpful.” ### Navigating the emotional dynamics of a team When it comes to workplace dynamics, there IS a place for emotion, but it’s important to maintain professionalism. Use these tactics to ensure that your emotions (and those of your colleagues and clients) are being respected — without getting in the way of your goals. - **Less is More:** Sharing is about being seen because it requires offering something of yourself to another person. It also requires building trust and holding space to show up authentically without fear of judgment or messing up. By definition, the people with whom you share your emotions in a work context will likely be fewer, and that’s a good thing. - **Ask Questions:** Questions are often better than directives: “Do you need to take a break for a moment to de-escalate?” “What are you feeling right now? On a scale of one to 10, how big is it?” These kinds of questions help cultivate more awareness and introduce a sense of agency and accountability for how we are showing up. This is helpful at all levels of an organization. - **Set Boundaries: **Set boundaries for yourself and gently remind people when they bump up against them or cross them. For instance, if someone repeatedly overshares with you in ways that erode healthy work boundaries, acknowledge their energy around the topic and let them know that you cannot be the person to hold space for them right now. - **Communicate Clearly:** For supervisors who manage direct reports, a good framework is “more of this, less of this” feedback. If someone is having trouble finding the balance in sharing and showing emotion, you may say, “I love how passionate you are. I would like to see more of that passion directed into the work (problem-solving, process improvement, etc.) and less reactionary behavior or side conversations.” - **Avoid Venting:** Ensure that sharing emotions doesn’t become code for perpetually venting frustrations. Asking questions is helpful here as well. A question like “What’s one thing you can do to move toward a resolution?” creates forward momentum and accountability. It’s a good question to ask yourself and others. ### Keeping emotions “in check” Viktor Frankl famously said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Even when something feels like an emergency, there is always a space, even if it feels really small. One of the best tools we have is “the pause.” One deep breath can actually change the trajectory of a heated moment. It has the power to change the temperature in the room and the direction a conversation may move. You may even communicate your need for a pause out loud. “I need to step out for two minutes to reset, but this is important, and I want to show up to it as best I can.” Cultivating the awareness of that moment when you’re not in it will serve you well when you are. But even without time to practice, the pause is a powerful tool. ### Handling conflict at work Sometimes emotions arise in the workplace due to conflict with a supervisor, team member, or client. Onsite’s CEO, Julie Smith, often says that “time is a great thickener of things,” which means that conflicts might have better outcomes when we give ourselves the gift of time. Even 24 to 48 hours can offer clarity and perspective. When we find ourselves feeling things like frustration, anger, resentment, or even shame, one of the best things we can do is let our nervous systems come back to a state of calm so that we can find objectivity. This is the state where we can engage in fruitful dialogue, take ownership of our piece of the pie, and more accurately name the things we see and feel in the conflict. It can become less accusatory or confrontational and more objective and relational. So, next time you’re tempted to see your emotions as a setback and push them aside, try viewing them as visitors who have dropped by to share a piece of valuable information — and consider the strategies above to help you make the most of them! ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/0P9A9643-1-1400x933.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/ian-dooley-DJ7bWa-Gwks-unsplash-scaled-e1671051151556.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-537.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-619.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "Feeling Safe At Work " slug: "feeling-safe-at-work" date: "2023-03-07 07:46:36" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![Feeling Safe At Work ](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/ian-dooley-DJ7bWa-Gwks-unsplash-scaled-e1671051151556.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Feeling Safe At Work By Dr. Ed Barron, Organizational Consultant and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Leader  ## The Importance of Feeling Safe at Work: Cultivating an Environment where your team can thrive *An excerpt from the Onsite Journal Vol. 3* One of the most salient outcomes of the *“Great Resignation”* is the reevaluation of the bargain between capital and labor. In many ways, the pendulum is swinging from an employer-driven workplace to talent-driven one. As a result, organizations have been scrambling to rethink their strategies for attracting, recruiting, and retaining talent necessary to build high performance team that drive results. But what strategies should they be considering? The answer may surprise you. In 2015 Google conducted a study on what makes a great team. Their study found that the most significant factor for effective teams is the presence of psychological safety. In fact, it seemed to be the single most important factor across several measures: *Researchers found that individuals on teams with higher psychological safety are less likely to leave Google, they’re more likely to harness the power of diverse ideas from their teammates, they bring in more revenue, and they’re rated as effective twice as often by executives.* ##### What is Psychological Safety? Dr. Amy Edmondson, a professor at Harvard Business School, coined the term “psychological safety.” She defines it as, “a climate in which people are comfortable being (and expressing) themselves.” I like to say that psychological safety is the belief that you won’t be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, identified some of the most prominent indicators of psychological safety in the workplace: 1. Curiosity to ask questions and think big 2. Trust between employees 3. Open-mindedness to change perspectives 4. Self-motivation and a sense of purpose 5. Resilience in confronting and overcoming conflict ##### How Stereotypes Threaten Psychological Safety One of the most significant barriers I’ve seen in building and nurturing a culture of psychological safety is something called the *stereotype threat*. Claude Steele, a renowned social psychologist, published his work around this phenomenon in the mid-90s, and research continues to see his findings confirmed, especially in academics and the workplace. So, what is stereotype threat? It’s when someone from a minority group feels as if they are at risk of confirming a negative stereotype about that group with which they identify. Studies show that those who face stereotype threat have diminished cognitive functioning because they become preoccupied with the possibility of confirming the stereotype about their group and, often, it becomes a “self- fulfilling prophecy.” The impact of stereotype threat has been cited as one of the causal factors of the disparity in opportunities for advancement and achievement in certain racial, ethnic, gender, and culture groups. To describe stereotype threat, Steele uses the example of a “snake in the room.” Imagine being in a classroom setting and as the instructor lays out the plan for the day, he ends by saying “By the way, there is a snake in this somewhere in this room but try not to worry it and just stay focused.” What would your response be? You would obviously be preoccupied with the whereabouts of the snake thus severely limiting your ability to focus on the content of the class. That’s how stereotype threat works. It limits cognitive functioning based on fear. In this case, fear of confirming a prevailing stereotype. But fear in the workplace can be related to retribution and loss of opportunity and relationships It can stifle innovation and creativity. ##### So How Do We Foster This Kind of Safety and Connection? What can we do to ensure the culture continues to evolve as a place where people feel free to speak up, where perspective-taking is prioritized, and where individuals don’t feel the weight of stereotype threat? **3 Reframes to Foster Psychological Safety: ** 1.  **I****nstead of seeking to be understood, seek to understand.** Ask questions like, “Can you help me understand?” to gain more insight. If correction or instruction is necessary, you’re more likely to give it from a deeper understanding, and it’s much more likely to be received well. 2. **Instead of being concerned with efficiency, be interested in effectiveness.** Efficiency is important, but it tends to be focused on quickly moving from one thing to the next. Effectiveness, however, is about slowing down and making sure the result you are after is the get is the result you achieve. 3. **Instead of being “nice,” be candid.** Niceness and candor are not mutually exclusive. But workplaces that prioritize being nice can inadvertently cause psychological safety to falter because people may not feel free to express their thoughts and opinions, especially if they run counter to the accepted norms. Candor can be one of the greatest gifts we give our teams because it paves the way for clarity. One final thought: Consider the environment you want to work in as a leader. What is it you need to foster your utmost effectiveness? Start today and do one thing that can build toward this reality. **Today, become the architect of the psychologically safe culture you want to see tomorrow. ** ———————— **Want more resources to help you effectively lead yourself and others so that your team can thrive?** Check out our new emotional health class, Becoming a More Inclusive Leader: How to Navigate *(and Celebrate)* the Complexities of the Humans We Lead. **In Becoming a More Inclusive Leader, you’ll:** - Uncover your own biases and blind spots - Explore some of the systems that created them and that keep them in place - See the importance of diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging - Gain a deeper understanding of intersectionality and its impact in our workplaces - Learn how to invest in your company culture and effectively lead through times of heightened division ## Learn more about Becoming a More Inclusive Leader ![](https://onsiteworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/0P9A0427-1.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-370.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/ian-dooley-DJ7bWa-Gwks-unsplash-scaled-e1671051151556.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A6544-933x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Stocksy_txpf7564506IpX300_Small_4808349.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-537.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/0P9A9643-1400x933.jpg) [![](https://onsiteworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Asset-1.png)](https://onsiteworkshops.com/2023/03/07/feeling-safe-at-work/asset-1/) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect" slug: "when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing" date: "2026-04-03 15:17:43" author: "Kennedy Looper" --- ![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary.png) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect *An Onsite Session on Emotional Neglect with Onsite’s Clinical Supervisor, Kathleen Murphy.* [Video](https://www.youtube.com/embed/3OaH7A4xsds?feature=oembed) ### What This Session Explores   - What emotional neglect is and why it often goes unnoticed - The impact of not feeling seen, valued, or attended to - Why attention is a fundamental human need - How shame develops around having needs - The connection between anxiety, disconnection, and early relationships - People-pleasing and approval-seeking patterns - Reparenting and learning to meet your own needs There are forms of wounding that are easy to name. And then there are the ones that are much harder to see—because they aren’t defined by what happened, but by what didn’t. In this session, Kathleen Murphy explores emotional neglect as a**form of relational wounding that often goes unrecognized**. When a child doesn’t receive consistent attention, attunement, or emotional presence, it can create a quiet but lasting sense of disconnection. This may show up later in life as anxiety, people-pleasing, or a persistent feeling of “not enough,” even when there’s no clear reason why. What makes this kind of experience especially complex is **the absence of a clear story**. Without a moment to point to, many people struggle to validate their own pain. Instead, they minimize it or feel shame for even having needs at all. This session helps reframe those experiences—**not as weakness, but as deeply human responses to unmet relational needs.** Through reflection and practical insight, Kathleen introduces the idea of **reparenting**—learning to offer yourself the attention, care, and presence that may have been missing. She also explores how healing doesn’t require blame, but rather an honest understanding of impact, capacity, and what it means to care for yourself now. Kathleen Murphy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Onsite Clinical Supervisor with over 40 years of experience in healing modalities. She specializes in complex relational wounding, emotional neglect, and helping individuals understand and transform the deeper patterns that shape their sense of self and relationships. [DOWNLOAD ACCOMPANYING PDF](https://hubs.la/Q049x8WD0) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/DSCF0524-933x1400.jpg) ### Explore More of Onsite Healing and growth don’t happen in just one way. Whether you’re seeking immersive, in-person work or accessible support you can engage from anywhere, Onsite offers multiple pathways to meet you where you are. ###### Healing Trauma Healing Trauma is an experiential group intensive designed for people ready to address the impact of past experiences on their present lives. Guided by master clinicians, participants explore how trauma lives in the body, shapes relationships, and influences the way they see themselves. Through therapy, skill-building, and meaningful group connection, this program helps create safety inside the nervous system, release long-held patterns, and restore a sense of choice and stability. ###### Living Centered Living Centered is an experiential group intensive created for adults seeking greater emotional health and relational well-being, whether or not they identify with trauma. Guided by skilled clinicians, participants explore patterns that keep them stuck, such as anxiety, people-pleasing, codependency, and disconnection from self. Through practical tools, reflective exercises, and supportive community, this program helps individuals strengthen boundaries, reconnect with their needs, and build a more grounded, intentional way of living. **Wherever you are on your journey, there’s a next step here.** [Healing trauma](https://hubs.la/Q049x8NZ0) [Living Centered](https://hubs.la/Q049x8MG0) --- --- title: "Personal Boundaries 101: Your Guide to Keeping It Simple" slug: "personal-boundaries-101" date: "2022-12-13 13:51:02" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![Personal Boundaries 101: Your Guide to Keeping It Simple](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/DSC01264-1-scaled-1.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Personal Boundaries 101: Your Guide to Keeping It Simple As we head into a new year, many of us are buzzing with motivation to improve our lives — from commitments to healthier eating to exercising more frequently to organizing our homes and finances. Whatever your individual goals, January tends to be a month when we pile our plates with *more*. But this year, we’re encouraging you to pause and consider what you’d like to *eliminate* instead — to assess what’s no longer serving you. With the help of the experts at [Onsite](https://onsiteworkshops.com/), we made a list of “anti-resolutions” we’re committing to in 2023. ## 5 Anti-Resolutions for the New Year ### #1: Resolve not to compare your life to what you see on the Internet. Social media can be an incredibly helpful tool, but it has its drawbacks, too. One of the most prevalent is that reality often dramatically differs from the brief snippets we see as we scroll through our feeds — and that makes it easy to fall into the trap of making comparisons. “We’ve all heard the familiar adage that comparison is the thief of joy,” says Onsite Editorial and Community Director Mickenzie Vought. “Raise your hand if you’ve felt that sinking, gross feeling in your stomach after a quick scroll through your newsfeed. One friend has the perfect photo of her family’s holiday travel. Another is sharing the great meal she and her partner had on the town last night. And another person you’ve never met in real life is sharing the five tips she used to get out of debt, lose 10 pounds, and get 12 hours of sleep every night.” One look at someone else’s seemingly perfect existence can be enough to throw us into a spiral of anxiety, shame, envy, and even depression. Organizational Psychologist Bob Hutchins says, “The more we live in others’ imagined lives, the less room we have for enjoyment of our own life.” Mickenzie adds, “Here’s the truth that can be hard to remember when we’re stuck in a shame-scroll spiral on Instagram: When we compare ourselves to other people on the Internet, we’re comparing the best version of them to the worst version of ourselves.” **A step in the right direction:** **Let this be a year of “comparison detox.” Give yourself some grace, and don’t let someone else’s display of “perfection” be your guide!** “This year, when we start the all-too-familiar social media comparison spiral, we can create systems to limit our exposure to social media, remind ourselves what’s true, choose to show up in our own lives, and be present for the moments that matter,” says Mickenzie. “This might look like putting a time limit on your social media app usage for the day, scheduling regular technology detoxes, or unfollowing people who make you feel poorly about yourself.” ### #2: Resolve not to wear “busy” as a badge of honor. Being busy sounds standard enough, right? We have a lot on our plates, and we strive to accomplish everything so we can feel successful — at home, at work, and in our relationships. But being busy can become an emotional crutch and an excuse to disconnect. It’s also easy to get caught up in completing tasks and lose sight of our self-care. “At Onsite, we often remind people that we’re all human *beings*, not human *doings*. But unfortunately, it is easy to forget this simple truth in a culture that overvalues accomplishments and accolades,” says Mickenzie. Remember: Our worth and value aren’t measured by our level of busyness. “No one is handing out ribbons for the ‘most burned-out,’ but somehow, many of us are competing for first place,” says Mickenzie. “From our home lives to our relationships to our workplaces, many of us are overscheduled, unsatisfied, and on the verge of [burnout](https://styleblueprint.com/everyday/how-to-combat-burnout/).” **A step in the right direction: With symptoms of burnout at an all-time high in 2022, a new year offers an opportunity to reassess our approach.** “This year, let’s all take a deep breath, create some margin, and stop seeking an award for exhaustion,” advises Mickenzie. “When we give ourselves permission to rest, we often find that we’re actually more productive and accomplish more of what matters most! This might look like blocking time in your calendar that is left intentionally empty or learning to listen and rest when you’re actually tired — not just when you’ve reached a point of total exhaustion.” ### #3: Resolve not to ban emotions from the workplace. When it comes to workplace emotions, there’s an unspoken rule: Keep them to yourself. This is particularly true for women. But feelings don’t take a backseat simply because you’re at the office or on a conference call, and our mental health can’t be “shelved” during work hours. “Historically, we’ve been told that bringing our emotions into the workplace, especially as women, was a recipe for disaster,” offers Mickenzie. “Though we’ve made progress in opening up the conversation around mental health, there remains a stigma associated with being ‘too emotional.’ But the research actually tells us that emotional intelligence (EQ) outpaces cognitive intelligence (IQ) four to one.” In other words, using your emotional awareness to guide your decision-making has its place in the workplace, after all. Onsite Product Development Director Candi Shelton says, “If we can consider our emotions as vital mechanisms for delivering information to us, then we can begin to see just how useful ALL emotions can be. In fact, if we’re willing to get curious, each of our emotions offers us a gift and invitation that will serve us in every area of our lives, including work.” **A step in the right direction:** **Consider new ways to manage your emotions at work.** “Our emotions provide us with a unique superpower that, when leveraged and thoughtfully managed, can be a game-changer in our workplaces,” says Mickenzie. “This year, show up authentically at work and invite others to do the same! This might look like appropriately sharing what’s going on in your life with your team or getting curious about your emotions at work.” ### #4: Resolve not to take care of others at the expense of your own well-being. Empathy, sympathy, and compassion are all beautiful blessings that help us in a myriad of ways — they offer us deeper connections, and there’s a profound sense of comfort and gratification that comes from being able to extend those emotional gifts to the humans and animals we love. But we can also be at risk of over-extending ourselves if we [rely too heavily on being a “fixer.”](https://styleblueprint.com/nashville/everyday/how-to-be-supportive/?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=%E2%9C%A8+Are+You+a+Supportive+Friend+or+a++Fixer+%3F+Here+s+How+to+Tell+the+Difference&utm_campaign=SB+Daily+-+Nashville+-+2022-06-14+-+Department+of+Tourism+Mississippi+TAKEOVER&vgo_ee=KKQlWrKd3DGEKb4CmamzWsrtS83wS9Q8WJp3BueFvl4%3D) Helping others at the expense of our own self-care isn’t sustainable. “As women, many of us pride ourselves in the love, care, and attention we provide to the people around us,” says Mickenzie. “Unfortunately, while this can be one of the greatest gifts we offer to the world, it can also be detrimental to our health and well-being.” **A step in the right direction: Don’t neglect your own emotional needs! Genuinely supporting someone means being authentic with yourself first; be honest about your capacity.** Tara Booker, an adjunct therapist at [Milestones](https://www.experiencemilestones.com/), Onsite’s residential trauma program, says, “Doing your own work first is crucial in knowing what you have to give emotionally. I tell people if you don’t have a dollar in your pocket, you can’t give someone more than a dollar. But emotionally, we trick ourselves and ‘do it anyway.’ That’s when we get tripped up. When we do this, we don’t show up how we want to, become irritable, and lose our patience. It’s important to check in with yourself and honestly answer, ‘What do I have emotionally to give today?’” ![young men and women in yoga class](https://styleblueprint.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/SB-yoga-class-istock.jpg)“This year, remind yourself that taking care of your own needs is not selfish but rather the most selfless thing you can do in your relationships. Don’t try to pour from an empty cup. This might look like scheduling time in your calendar to do things that fuel you or getting honest about your needs in your most intimate relationships.” ### #5: Resolve not to say “yes” when you want to say “no.” Learning to [create healthy boundaries](https://styleblueprint.com/everyday/tips-for-setting-boundaries/) and saying “no” is no easy feat — whether it involves the work-life balance, attending a social gathering, or taking on too many time-intensive projects. “Every time we say *yes* to one thing, we inevitably say *no* to something else,” says Mickenzie, “whether it’s agreeing to a project at work that will keep us from showing up at home or saying *yes* to an event we don’t want to attend and jampacking our Saturday, we’re inevitably not present in the places we actually want to be. Saying *yes*, instead of setting a boundary when we really want to say *no*, comes with consequences.” “Not setting boundaries has emotional, physical, mental, and relational consequences,” explains Madison Lawn, MSCMHC Onsite Guide. “There is a toll when we exist in relationships and spaces that are unsafe, draining, and unhealthy. We may think we’re being helpful, selfless, and staying open, but in reality, we are closing ourselves off, people-pleasing, and opening ourselves up to conditional love.” **A step in the right direction: Practice being protective of your “yes.”** “This year, take the time and space to evaluate the total weight of your *yes* to give your time and attention to the things that really matter instead of agreeing to all the things and not being fully present anywhere,” says Mickenzie. “This might look like taking a beat before answering, telling someone you’ll circle back with them, or bringing in an external voice to help you evaluate priorities.” ![](https://onsiteworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-617.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1040815.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A6917-933x1400.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "Three Essential Boundaries You're Allowed to Set This Holiday Season" slug: "boundaries-to-set-holidays" date: "2022-11-30 09:36:52" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![Three Essential Boundaries You're Allowed to Set This Holiday Season](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/heidi-fin-2TLREZi7BUg-unsplash.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # 3 Essential Boundaries You’re Allowed to Set This Holiday Season The holidays are here; for some, this time of year feels more stressful than “merry and bright.”  The holidays can feel like a time of incongruence, wrought with expectations. If we’re not careful, we can lose ourselves in the pace and hype of the season.   Many of us don’t realize the toll the holidays are taking on our mental, emotional, or physical health until we feel as if it might be too late. This year, get ahead of the holiday stress by creating a plan and setting boundaries that honor how you want this season to unfold.   If the idea of setting boundaries during the holidays makes you a little queasy and apprehensive, we completely understand. It can be easy to ignore our own needs at the expense of the expectations and obligations we might feel in this “season of giving.”    But here’s the hard truth, boundaries aren’t about anyone else but us. The types of boundaries we choose can and should say much more about us than the recipients of our boundaries. Setting a boundary might actually be the most selfless thing you can do this holiday season.   Boundaries help us honor what matters most and are fundamentally about connection—connection to ourselves and others and making sure we keep these connections safe, secure, and healthy. When we’re burnt out, we’re not showing up as the best versions of ourselves.    ## Three Boundaries to Set This Holiday Season #### Boundaries Around Your Time  It’s not unlikely for our calendars to fill up from November 1st through January 1st. Even a calendar full of “good events” can come at the expense of our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. A sense of urgency and overscheduling during this season pulls us out of presence with ourselves.   Before you start rattling off the yeses and filling every spare moment with memory-making activity, take some time to reflect.  - *What brought you joy in past holiday seasons? *  - *What felt draining? *  - *What do you want to feel this season? What are your non-negotiables? *  Lay out how you want to spend your time and make a plan to prioritize the things that matter and remove those that don’t. Taking the time and space to evaluate the total weight of your yes allows you to give your yes to the things that really matter to you instead of agreeing to all the things and not being fully present anywhere.   You get to determine how you spend your time and who you spend it with!   #### Boundaries in Your Relationships   The holidays often mean more time spent with family or friends. And while that can often be a great thing— even in the most idyllic of circumstances, tension can rise due to increased proximity and amount of time together.   If you have a painful past, strained relationships, or are working through childhood wounds, the holidays can be really painful. Being around family can be like a pressure cooker for uncomfortable, painful, and activating feelings.  Before you attend a holiday event reflect on what would feel the most honoring to you:   - *Are you attending the event out of compulsion or obligation? *  - *Are there harmful or toxic dynamics with this group of people? *  - *What would make you feel the most safe? How can you ask for or create what you need? *  - *Could you communicate boundaries in advance to set expectation? *  - *Are there internal boundaries you can hold without communicating them? (How long you’ll be at a gathering, topics that you won’t discuss, situations you’ll walk away from, people you won’t spend 1 on 1 time with?)  *  Many of us carry around the belief that boundaries are mean and that if we really love someone, we would do anything for them. But that lack of boundaries actually harms us and the relationship.   Boundaries help us determine where we begin and where we end. They promote safety and connection. Part of that connection is your relationship with other people, but they also encourage connection in your relationship with yourself. Prioritizing your own safety means realizing that not everyone is immediately safe.  As Prentis Hemphill once said, *“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”*    #### Set Boundaries with Your Financial Resources   According to the Everyday Health United States of Stress survey, worries about finances came in as the number-one stressor across all age groups. Just over half of all people surveyed (52 %) said financial issues regularly stress them out. (United States of Stress [survey](https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/united-states-of-stress/))  Our financial worries don’t go away, and for most of us even increase around the holidays. As a result, many of us spend money we don’t have on presents, gatherings, and outings.   Before you feel the pressure to overspend this holiday season, take some time to reflect on what is within bounds for you and set boundaries that will keep you from stressing even more in January.   - *When looking at your calendar, consider not just your emotional capacity, but your financial limitations – can you feasibly do all you’ve agreed to? *  - *What is your budget for gifts this year? (*[*Needs some inspiration for gifts that don’t cost a thing this holiday season?)*](https://www.instagram.com/p/CXj4gHfuQDd/?hl=en)  - *Are there events you want to host instead of going out? *  - *Are there boundaries or asks you need to make around gift exchanges? *  - *How can you focus less on tangible presents and offer your presence this season? *  In a season that can so easily get caught up in consumerism, remember that your humanity is the best gift you can offer those you love. Presents are great, but your presence is better. Slow down, make eye contact, ask questions, and laugh with your people this season. Connection doesn’t have a price tag.   This holiday season can be different. We hope you embrace the beauty of the season and intentionally look ahead before you get caught off guard. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, honor yourself and your capacity, and set the boundaries you need.   ### Want to learn more about boundaries? If you need a little help, explore the building blocks of a healthy boundary, what kinds of boundaries are available to us, and how to truly make them work for us with Onsite’s newest emotional health master class, [Establishing Boundaries,*Creating the Physical, Mental, and Relational Space You Need to Thrive*](https://onsiteisonline.com/boundaries/) is now available! Save 30% this week only with the code THRIVE! ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/heidi-fin-2TLREZi7BUg-unsplash.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/priscilla-du-preez-ZkfWNqu3m04-unsplash.jpg) ![helping others during COVID-19](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/christian-koch-D_4R9CcYZOk-unsplash-1024x684.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/ONSITE_Milestones_0026-scaled-1-1400x934.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1020510.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/erwan-hesry-e9jV1ZyrOmg-unsplash.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/marcus-cramer-WcDgz5w_vRw-unsplash.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-342-1400x934.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible" slug: "why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible" date: "2026-03-05 20:25:17" author: "Kennedy Looper" --- ![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible *An Onsite Session on Setting Boundaries and Enmeshment with Onsite’s Lead Clinician, Serifatu Walton.* [Video](https://www.youtube.com/embed/RWATO47P9hY?feature=oembed) ### What This Session Explores   - What boundaries actually are and why they matter - How family enmeshment makes boundaries difficult - The impact of parentification and over-responsibility in childhood - Signs you may need stronger emotional boundaries - Why guilt, anxiety, and fear often appear when setting limits - How boundaries actually protect and sustain relationships In this Onsite Session, Serifatu explores how boundaries allow us to stay present in relationships while also honoring our own needs and limits. But when families operate with blurred roles or unspoken expectations, it can become difficult to distinguish where one person ends and another begins. In these environments, children may learn that their needs are less important than maintaining harmony in the family system. They may become overly responsible for others’ emotions or take on adult roles too early. As adults, these patterns can lead to **people-pleasing, burnout, resentment, and confusion about personal needs**. Serifatu offers a compassionate look at these patterns while also introducing a healthier perspective on boundaries: they are not about controlling others or pushing people away. Instead, boundaries are about clarifying your own behavior and protecting the space needed for authentic connection. Avoidant attachment is not a flaw. It is an adaptation. And with awareness, that adaptation can evolve into a secure, grounded connection. Serifatu is a Lead Clinician at Onsite, where she works with individuals and groups to help people understand the relational and emotional patterns shaping their lives. Her work focuses on helping people explore family systems, attachment patterns, and the ways early experiences influence adult relationships. Through education and compassionate guidance, she helps individuals develop greater self-awareness, emotional clarity, and healthier relational boundaries. [DOWNLOAD ACCOMPANYING PDF](https://hubs.la/Q045MBt-0) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/DSCF0524-933x1400.jpg) ### Explore More of Onsite Healing and growth don’t happen in just one way. Whether you’re seeking immersive, in-person work or accessible support you can engage from anywhere, Onsite offers multiple pathways to meet you where you are. ###### Healing Trauma Healing Trauma is an experiential group intensive designed for people ready to address the impact of past experiences on their present lives. Guided by master clinicians, participants explore how trauma lives in the body, shapes relationships, and influences the way they see themselves. Through therapy, skill-building, and meaningful group connection, this program helps create safety inside the nervous system, release long-held patterns, and restore a sense of choice and stability. ###### Living Centered Living Centered is an experiential group intensive created for adults seeking greater emotional health and relational well-being, whether or not they identify with trauma. Guided by skilled clinicians, participants explore patterns that keep them stuck, such as anxiety, people-pleasing, codependency, and disconnection from self. Through practical tools, reflective exercises, and supportive community, this program helps individuals strengthen boundaries, reconnect with their needs, and build a more grounded, intentional way of living. **Wherever you are on your journey, there’s a next step here.** [Healing trauma](https://hubs.la/Q045MBd90) [Living Centered](https://hubs.la/Q0442Hnp0) --- --- title: "Six Myths About Mental Health That Hold Us Back" slug: "six-myths-about-mental-health-that-hold-us-back" date: "2023-05-17 05:46:16" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![Six Myths About Mental Health That Hold Us Back](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-446.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # 6 Myths About Mental Health That Hold Us Back Despite our best efforts and shifts in cultural conversation, caring for our mental and emotional health often still carries some stigma. So in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re shining a light on six myths many of us believe about our mental health.   —————–   ### 6 Myths About Mental Health **Myth #1: I only need to pay attention to my mental health if/when I’m in crisis.  **  **Truth: Mental health ****is**** health and needs to be a part of my everyday life—the good, the hard, and all the in-betweens.  **  Many of us don’t gain awareness of our mental health until faced with something particularly challenging or painful. We often don’t stop long enough to pay attention to our mental health until our lives become entirely off-balanced or capsized.   At Onsite, we believe that caring for our mental health should be approached like any other element of our health—as a daily practice. Just like we care for our physical health daily by brushing our teeth, moving our bodies, and eating three meals a day, we can also care for our mental health by incorporating rhythms and routines.  When you think of mental health, you may think of anxiety, depression, or burnout. But the World Health Organization (WHO) defines mental health as a “state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.” At Onsite, we believe in a wellness model, not just a sickness model. That means we’re dedicated to helping you strengthen your mental and emotional well-being so that you can remain resilient in life’s ups and downs. In the long run, the best way to enhance our health is through proactive practices rather than reactive interventions.    **Myth #2: Going to therapy makes me weak.  **  **Truth: Going to therapy is a sign of strength. **   Therapy is often perceived as a last resort, something someone else needs, or someplace you go when things are “really bad.” Yet when we view it as a last-ditch effort to “fix something,” we mistakenly (and maybe even subconsciously) believe that asking for help makes us weak. That seeking support means we’ve “failed” to be able to “handle it” on our own.   However, after helping tens of thousands of people through the therapeutic process, we can confidently say that therapy is not the easy way out. Instead, on a surface level, the easier (often more detrimental) route is to continue ignoring what’s happening in our lives. To stuff, medicate, and numb our feelings *until* they come out sideways and in destructive patterns that hurt us and anyone in our path.    Raising your hand when you’re struggling is an act of courage, bravery, and strength. Period. Every time. It’s also incredibly strong to seek support *before* your world falls apart. Therapy and other mental health work is not always easy, but it is always worth it.    **Myth #3: Taking time for myself is selfish.  **  **Truth: Taking time for myself is one of the best things I can do for those I love.**  When we’re honest, this one is hard—even for those of us who have been on this journey for a long time! It can feel like everywhere we look, someone needs something from us. But the truth is, you cannot pour into others from an empty tank. At Onsite, we often say you can only give people what you yourself already have. You can’t bring peace, care, and understanding to others if you don’t first extend those things to yourself.    We show up better in every area of our lives—including for the people that matter most to us—when we show up for ourselves. It’s not always easy to find the time to take care of ourselves—to say no, to put our needs first—but you’ll see the impact tenfold. Taking care of ourselves and our own needs is often the most selfless thing we can do.  Related: [The Misconception of Self-Care](https://onsiteworkshops.com/2023/02/01/misconception-of-self-care/) **Myth #4: I can’t afford to take care of my mental health.  **  **Truth: Caring for my mental health doesn’t always have to be expensive.  **  Taking care of our mental and emotional health comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. We acknowledge that financial resources are incredibly helpful in caring for our mental health, but we also believe there are things we can do that cost little to no money.   Breathing exercises, meditation, journaling, community, and movement are effective (and FREE) mental and emotional health resources. In addition, thanks to the internet, there are so many excellent online resources and databases to help you find local in-person support at little to no cost. If you’re looking for support near you, we encourage you to check out this online [database](https://twloha.com/find-help/) from [To Write Love On Her Arms](https://twloha.com/).  If therapy or other mental health services aren’t in financial reach for you right now, we encourage you to take an inventory of what resources you *do* have. Are there relationships you can intentionally seek out? Are there boundaries with technology you can set? Are there small shifts in your every day that could impact your well-being?   Relate: If you’re looking for an easy tool to get you started, check out this free class, [How to Hack Your Emotional Health.](https://www.experienceonsite.com/habits) This free class will teach you how to form sustainable habits that lead to lasting transformation. **Myth #5: I’m the only one struggling.  **  **Truth: I am not alone.  **  Struggling with our mental health can feel like an isolating experience—one that causes us to retreat inward, only further leading to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. When we’re struggling, we can begin to tell ourselves that we’re the only ones navigating the pain, confusion, anxiety, shame, and depression that we’re experiencing.    Research shows that 9 in 10 people believe the U.S. is experiencing a mental health crisis. Yet most of us try to navigate that crisis alone. The truth is, you are not alone—despite how lonely it can feel. As scary as it can be, we encourage you to reach out for support.   Related: [Four things to say to a friend when you need support.](https://www.instagram.com/p/CcNlogWu01y/)  One of the most impactful pieces of any Onsite group experience is that it serves as an incredible antidote to the belief that we’re alone in our struggle. Instead of carrying it alone, our group experiences create a space to share our struggles in a safe environment with the guidance of a trained professional.  **Myth #6: Mental health is private  **  **Truth: Allowing safe people into our journey brings healing and connection.  **  So many of us imagine the therapeutic experience behind closed doors. And while there is sometimes a need and space for privacy and sensitivity, when we *only* think of it this way, we subconsciously begin to believe that our mental health is something to keep hidden and separate from the people in our lives.   There’s a difference between personal and private. Our mental health journey is deeply personal, but it does not have to remain private. When we courageously choose to allow safe, trusted people into the journey with us we can find hope, healing, and connection. What we can’t do alone, we can do together.    At Onsite, you’ll often hear us say because we’re wounded in community, we must heal in community. The truth is, our most profound healing comes in relationship with others.   If you aren’t quite ready to experience one of our in-person workshops, yet you’re looking to engage in mental health work in the context of community, we invite you to check out our [digital classes or courses.](https://onsiteisonline.com/) In addition to a world-renowned digital learning experience, when you sign up, you also gain access to our interactive digital community full of like-minded people pursuing mental and emotional health!    **Throughout the month of May, use the code HEALTH for 20% off any Onsite course or class! EXPLORE CLASSES AND COURSES** —–  There are many myths we believe about our mental health—but that’s just what they are: myths. It’s time to stop getting in our own way and start speaking truth to the lies we’ve been carrying around for far too long. They are not serving you anymore, and you deserve more. Mental health is health, and you deserve to live a full, healthy life.  Our team wants to support you on your journey. Give us a call at 800-341-7432 to begin the process today! ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-534.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-329-1400x934.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-377-1.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1020510.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1030634.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A9858-1400x933.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-150.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/group-discussion-1121x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-446.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/ONSITE_Milestones_0299-scaled-1-1400x934.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "What I Know Now: Dismantling Mental Health Misconceptions" slug: "mental-health-misconceptions" date: "2022-05-02 14:42:30" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![What I Know Now: Dismantling Mental Health Misconceptions](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/0P9A0694-1.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # What I Know Now: Dismantling Mental Health Misconceptions ## “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ## — Maya Angelou   When it comes to our mental and emotional health, many of us struggle to extend grace, compassion, and understanding to younger versions of ourselves. We harshly place judgment and blame on the person we once were, holding ourselves to the standard of who we are now.  In reality, most of us are doing the best we can with what we have. And like Maya Angelou says, **as we know better, we do better**. The more awareness we have, the more we can grow and evolve into a more full version of ourselves. This is especially true when it comes to our mental health.  As the individual and global conversation around mental health has begun to shift, many common misconceptions have risen to the surface.  **Do any of these mental health misconceptions sound familiar to you? ** - Taking care of my mental health means something is wrong with me - I’m broken for needing help - Anxiety and depression make me weak   - No one else is feeling the way I feel - My emotions are a liability  In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re pushing back against these misconceptions and normalizing the conversation around mental health. On a [recent episode of the Living Centered Podcast](https://www.livingcenteredpodcast.com/episodes/067), several Onsite team members opened up about their own mental and emotional health journeys and the things they’ve learned along the way.  Here’s a sneak peek at the conversation… ### Q: What do you know now that you wish you’d known about your mental health?   **It’s a Lifelong Journey ** “It is like a constant journey. And I think that’s something I wish I had figured out sooner that you can’t just like put a band-aid on things. It won’t be like ‘Everything’s love! My mental health journey was a year, and it’s now it’s over.” — Abby Stevenson, Digital Media Specialist **Mental Health is as Important as Physical Health  ** “Mental illness is just as merited as physical illness. For me, spraining my ankle and doing the things that lead to recovery is very similar to realizing that some things were off chemically and needing to treat that.” —Andrew Beardon, Program Manager **Mental Health is Holistic ** “I thought that mental health meant seeing a therapist. I thought it was just talking to somebody like I had seen on TV. What I realize now is so much more that goes into that. Friend relationships, food that you eat, your happiness, your safety, all of that can go into my mental health.” — JoCarol Cohen, Office Director for Miles Adcox **It’s Not Something I Have to Qualify For  ** “Something that has changed how I view mental health is actually Onsite’s approach to trauma. It really struck a chord with me when I first saw Onsite’s reframe and redefinition of trauma. We often define trauma as “anything less than nurturing.” I was one of those people that, before learning that, when I thought of the word trauma, I thought of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I saw trauma as this big thing with a qualification to it. You had to meet a certain standard or pass a certain threshold to qualify for trauma. The reframe has helped me grasp the bigger picture, and I started to analyze how the past has affected my present. It’s allowed me to give grace to myself and others because, you know, we’re all just doing the best we can with the tools that we have. It’s not about assigning blame to anyone or anything like that. It’s allowing yourself to cope with it and deal with it. And to give yourself the grace and the permission to continue and be better and do the best you can.” — Jeremy Hopper, Instructional Designer and Technology Manager **Mental Health Care is Expansive  ** “I didn’t know about mental health until I was in college. I wasn’t exposed to that as a resource, part of healthcare, or part of life. It wasn’t until l I was in college, studying social work. I would have loved to have known that it existed before working in the field. I also think people have a very narrow view of what mental health services are and what therapy is. Therapy is just one little leg of the whole mental health process. It’s so varied and unique. And there’s so much more individuality. There are a million different ways to do therapy. I’d wish I’d known there were a lot of options.” — Tara Booker, Therapist at [Milestones](http://experiencemilestones.com) **What about you? What did you know now that you wish you knew before about mental health?  ** _____________________________________ **Join us all month long as we celebrate Mental Health Awareness and our vision to create an emotionally well world. ** [Follow us on social media](https://www.instagram.com/experienceonsite/) for practical tips and resources and [subscribe to the podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/living-centered-podcast/id1549249651) for more authentic conversations! ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-475-edited.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A8912-933x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1000898.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A8670-1400x933.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-384-1-1400x934.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "Journal Prompts for 12 Weeks of Self Discovery" slug: "journal-prompts-for-12-weeks-of-self-discovery" date: "2023-07-27 15:06:40" author: "anchour-krystle" --- ![Woman sitting on a windowsill in a cozy green cafe, holding a smartphone, with natural light illuminating the space, reflecting a relaxed atmosphere for online wellness courses.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1030220-cropped-scaled-1.webp) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Ready to rediscover yourself? Join us for 12 weeks of daily journal prompts that will help you get to know the “you” you want to be. ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A9858-1400x933.jpg) ## Join us on a journey of self-discovery as we reflect on our past, examine our present, and plan for our future. ## Throughout our lives, how we spend time relationally evolves and shifts From family, friends, coworkers, and peers, one thing remains true, the person we spend the most time with is ourselves.  What if we approached a relationship with ourselves with the same intention and purpose that we approach other meaningful relationships in our lives?  In this free resource, we’ll journey through 12 weeks of self-discovery through daily journal prompts. Together, we’ll reflect on our past, examine our present, and plan for our future.  Join us on a journey of self-exploration and discovery destined to produce deeper connection, peace, and presence for years to come. [Access Journal Prompts](#journal-prompts-sign-up) > “This resource helped me actually > get to know myself. I spend most of my life trying to connect with others but never trying to get to know myself. After completing these reflections, > > > I feel so much clearer about who I am and how I want to grow. I’d recommend this easy and practical resource to anyone looking to gain insight into their lives.”What people are saying ### Once you sign up, you’ll immediately get all 12 weeks of journal prompts and reflections Take this journey at whatever pace suits your life. [Access Journal Prompts](#journal-prompts-sign-up) ![cropped photo of a person drawing in a notebook](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-619.jpg) ## Sign up to receive 12 weeks of journal prompts --- --- title: "Understanding Codependency" slug: "understanding-codependency-article" date: "2024-07-23 14:17:48" author: "hannah" --- ![Understanding Codependency](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Understanding Codependency The Problem With Being Selfless ###### This article was originally featured in Volume 2 of the Onsite Journal For more articles like this, check out the most recent volume of the Onsite Journal [here](https://experienceonsite.com/journal/). ###### Most people have a junk drawer in the kitchen. Odds and ends get stashed there: tape and packets of soy sauce and dead batteries live there, slowly rolling around every time you open the drawer. You never know when the things in the junk drawer might come in handy. Codependency is a concept that has lived for many years in the psychological junk drawer: sometimes overused, misplaced, and misunderstood.  “You’re codependent” for many years became a catch-all for a term we knew meant something vaguely unhealthy but not entirely definable in our minds. A substitute for clingy, attuned, or even just overly caring.  Let’s talk about what codependency means and how to begin some recovery work around it.  A “codependent” used to mean someone who was addicted to the person who was addicted to a substance or behavior. For example, the alcoholic, addicted to the drink, is in a relationship with the codependent, who is addicted to the alcoholic, and so on. The alcoholic’s job was to try to manage the lifestyle that came from drinking; the codependent’s job was to try to manage the life of the alcoholic and to keep them from drinking. In other words, we used to conceptualize codependency as the way an enabler related to an addict.  #### The Relationship Between Codependency and Trauma  Today, we’ve expanded our understanding of codependency. Tian Dayton writes that codependency is “a trauma-related loss of self,” something that happens in our early development when our primary caregivers aren’t emotionally available to give us the love and nurturing we need. With the field of addiction becoming more understood in relation to trauma, it turns out that codependency is simply another coping mechanism that comes from growing up in trauma, just like alcoholism, drug abuse, or workaholism (or any other ism you can think of).  When caregivers don’t show up in a way that could meet our emotional needs, children learn that the best way to get their needs met is to try and meet the needs of the parent (so the parent might have something left over for them). **Parents who aren’t able to meet their own emotional needs create children who attempt to be all things to all people.** These dramas are re-enacted over and over again, the child trying to meet the needs of the parent (and to be hypervigilant in anticipating the needs of the parent) in the hopes that the parent will, in turn, meet the child’s needs, see their hurting heart, and finally give unconditional love.  Barry & Janae Weinhold write, “Codependency grows out of the fantasy that your mother or father, on whom you counted on to make you feel good or safe or secure, now exists in the person with whom you have a relationship.” Little wonder, then, that the adult codependent ends up picking a partner who is often emotionally unavailable, who they can monitor closely to re-enact a potential “re- do” from their early childhood. The desire to repair something from their past tends to drive the codependent’s behavior. Psychotherapist Esther Perel suggests this behavior enrolls a partner or friend in a play they never auditioned for.  **Parents who aren’t able to meet their own emotional needs create children who attempt to be all things to all people.** #### Conceptualizing Codependency  We have different ways of conceptualizing this at Onsite. Here are a few snapshot definitions I’ve heard over the years:  - “It’s when you’re hungry, and you ask the person you’re with if they want something to eat.”  - “It’s when you’re cold and you ask them if they want a blanket.” - “It’s taking your pulse on someone else’s wrist.”  My codependency has tended to show up with me asking people if they’re angry with me. Asking once is usually okay. But keep asking someone if they’re angry with you, and see what happens. It’s a pretty remarkable process to make someone angry with you, even when they didn’t start out angry. For the record, ten out of ten would not recommend.  #### What Codependency Is Not **Let’s not confuse codependency with being nice or kind to someone you care about.** Sometimes we have a tendency to pathologize doing things for others or trying to see to their needs.   “What makes behavior codependent?” is a question I hear a lot in the workshops we lead at Onsite.  **The answer can be found in your motivation.**  Let’s take two different scenarios: In one situation, I want to do something nice for a friend of mine, to give them an unexpected gift. I have tickets to a show I planned to attend. I know that my friend could use a break and would love to go to the show. I know they would relish taking in the show, so I give them my tickets. It’s not a big deal to skip the show this time and maybe go next time instead.  Now let’s say in another scenario, I have tickets to a show, and I would love to go, and I know my friend would love to go as well. In this situation, the thought of going to the show becomes impossible to enjoy because I know that the whole time I was at show, I would be thinking about how my friend should have gone instead of me. Maybe I even think that the friend would be mad at me for not giving them the tickets. Realizing there’s no way I can go to the show, I give them my tickets, hopeful that my gift (or sacrifice) will garner me a higher status in my friend’s eyes. I’m not saying they’ll owe me, but… I’m not not saying they’ll owe me.  **This is codependency.**  ## Recovering From Codependency What action can we begin to take to recover from codependency?  I think the answer is found in the definition of codependency itself. If codependency is indeed a trauma-related loss of self, recovery will address the trauma and connect with the self. Let’s look at those components.  ** RELATED:** [Healthy Love and Relationships ](https://onsiteworkshops.com/programs/healthy-love-and-relationships-program/) #### Addressing the Trauma  What is trauma? ***Trauma is a wound.*** Many of the people who come to do work at Onsite struggle to label what happened to them as trauma or traumatic. Many of us who experience trauma probably learned to ignore or downplay what happened.  If you were told that what happened to you isn’t that big a deal, I think it’s important to look at who is sending that message. If the person involved in the wounding is telling you that their behavior was not wounding, that is a good indicator that you have suffered wounds by this person. Many parents (friends, teachers, clergy, humans) loathe to admit that what they did was wrong, as it takes a lot of emotional space to take ownership of something done wrong or unhelpful.  Beginning trauma recovery work includes naming what happened to us—coming to terms with it, as M. Scott Peck tells us in People of The Lie—and then allowing ourselves to properly grieve the wounding. This is hard, courageous, rewarding, exhausting, and important work that takes time.  #### Connecting With Yourself  How are you with you? More to the point, how are you when other people are not okay—or you think they’re not okay with you?  If I’m worried whether or not a good friend is angry or okay with me, that’s usually a good time to check in with myself and ask this: “Am I angry with me? Am I okay with me?”  It’s good to check in with our deep friendships to ask about how we’re doing. But if they say, “We’re okay,” and I struggle to hear and receive that, then what’s going on most likely has nothing to do with my friend or our dynamic. Instead, it’s usually indicative of something stirring in me.  What are you afraid of?  Donald Winnicott said, **“The catastrophe you fear will happen has in fact already happened.”** Am I afraid of being abandoned? Then I’m probably reacting to having been abandoned.  Am I afraid that a relationship is going to end? Then I probably have a relationship ending in my history that feels unresolved or is still painful.  Am I afraid of taking on a big project and failing? Then I probably felt like I failed at something early in life, and I received a message that I should never fail, no matter what.  Our fear is a powerful communicator; it lets us know what’s on the horizon of our feelings landscape and our inner world.  The first step in Codependents Anonymous is “We admitted we were powerless over others—that our lives had become unmanageable.” In our attempts to repair old wounds and to get our needs met, we have tried to fix, manage, rescue, save, and control others.”  **Recovery starts in connecting with myself in those moments when I’m tempted to try and change others—and instead ask what need I’m trying to meet in myself.** And then start moving in that direction.  I may not be there yet. I may not be able to lean in or ask myself what I need fully. That’s okay too. **Start where you are.** Take water breaks. Let yourself do it wrong before you do it right.  And breathe.  **CARLOS MARTINEZ, MDIV, MSMHC, LPC, ACS, CET- II**, serves as a Lead Clinician at Onsite. He has worked helping people for almost 20 years as a pastor, chaplain, crisis interventionist, therapist, counselor, and professor. Carlos leads programs on trauma, sexuality, relationships, and connecting with yourself.  ### Want to explore how codependency might be impacting your relationships? Onsite’s [Healthy Love & Relationships Program](https://onsiteworkshops.com/programs/healthy-love-and-relationships-program/) will help you address the core wounds that drive self-sabotaging behaviors and the need for approval that continues to disrupt your relationships. If you have a historical pattern of dysfunctional relationships or find yourself frequently disappointed by unmet expectations, this group program provides a safe, nurturing environment essential for rebuilding your self-worth. [Video](https://player.vimeo.com/video/688102225?dnt=1&app_id=122963) Learn more about our [Healthy Love and Relationships](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/healthy-love-relationships-program/) Program [FIND YOUR healing EXPERIENCE](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/healthy-love-relationships-program/) [Learn more about our group workshops](https://experienceonsite.com/workshops/) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/L1010240.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-151-edited-933x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A8912-933x1400.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "The Problem With Being Selfless — Understanding Codependency" slug: "understanding-codependency" date: "2022-03-23 08:27:23" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![The Problem With Being Selfless — Understanding Codependency](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Codependency-1-scaled-1-2.webp) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # The Problem With Being Selfless — Understanding Codependency ##### Featured in the 2022 Onsite Journal  Most people have a junk drawer in the kitchen. Odds and ends get stashed there: tape and packets of soy sauce and dead batteries live there, slowly rolling around every time you open the drawer. You never know when you might need the things in the junk drawer when they might come in handy. Codependency is a concept that has lived for many years in the psychological junk drawer: sometimes overused, misplaced, and misunderstood.  “You’re codependent” for many years became a catch-all for a term we knew meant something vaguely unhealthy but not entirely definable in our minds. A substitute for clingy, attuned, or even just overly caring.  Let’s talk about what codependency means and how to begin some recovery work around it.  A “codependent” used to mean someone who was addicted to the person who was addicted to a substance or behavior. For example, the alcoholic, addicted to the drink, is in a relationship with the codependent, who is addicted to the alcoholic, and so on. The alcoholic’s job was to try to manage the lifestyle that came from drinking; the codependent’s job was to try to manage the life of the alcoholic and to keep them from drinking. In other words, we used to conceptualize codependency as the way an enabler related to an addict.  ###   ### The Relationship Between Codependency and Trauma  Today, we’ve expanded our understanding of codependency. Tian Dayton writes that codependency is “a trauma-related loss of self,” something that happens in our early development when our primary caregivers aren’t emotionally available to give us the love and nurturing we need. With the field of addiction becoming more understood in relation to trauma, it turns out that codependency is simply another coping mechanism that comes from growing up in trauma, just like alcoholism, drug abuse, or workaholism (or any other ism you can think of).  When caregivers don’t show up in a way that could meet our emotional needs, children learn that the best way to get their needs met is to try and meet the needs of the parent (so the parent might have something left over for them). **Parents who aren’t able to meet their own emotional needs create children who attempt to be all things to all people.** These dramas are re-enacted over and over again, the child trying to meet the needs of the parent (and to be hypervigilant in anticipating the needs of the parent) in the hopes that the parent will, in turn, meet the child’s needs, see their hurting heart, and finally give unconditional love.  Barry & Janae Weinhold write, “Codependency grows out of the fantasy that your mother or father, on whom you counted on to make you feel good or safe or secure, now exists in the person with whom you have a relationship.” Little wonder, then, that the adult codependent ends up picking a partner who is often emotionally unavailable, who they can monitor closely to re-enact a potential “re- do” from their early childhood. The desire to repair something from their past tends to drive the codependent’s behavior. Psychotherapist Esther Perel suggests this behavior enrolls a partner or friend in a play they never auditioned for.   **Parents who aren’t able to meet their own emotional needs create children who attempt to be all things to all people.** ### Conceptualizing Codependency  We have different ways of conceptualizing this at Onsite. Here are a few snapshot definitions I’ve heard over the years:  “It’s when you’re hungry, and you ask the person you’re with if they want something to eat.”  “It’s when you’re cold and you ask them if they want a blanket.” “It’s taking your pulse on someone else’s wrist.”  My codependency has tended to show up with me asking people if they’re angry with me. Asking once is usually okay. But keep asking someone if they’re angry with you, and see what happens. It’s a pretty remarkable process to make someone angry with you, even when they didn’t start out angry. For the record, ten out of ten would not recommend.  What Codependency Is Not **Let’s not confuse codependency with being nice or kind to someone you care about.** Sometimes we have a tendency to pathologize doing things for others or trying to see to their needs.   What makes behavior codependent? is a question I hear a lot in the workshops we lead at Onsite.  **The answer can be found in your motivation.**  Let’s take two different scenarios: In one situation, I want to do something nice for a friend of mine, to give them an unexpected gift. I have tickets to a show I planned to attend. I know that my friend could use a break and would love to go to the show. I know they would relish taking in the show, so I give them my tickets. It’s not a big deal to skip the show this time and maybe go next time instead.  Now let’s say in another scenario, I have tickets to a show, and I would love to go, and I know my friend would love to go as well. In this situation, the thought of going to the show becomes impossible to enjoy because I know that the whole time I was at show, I would be thinking about how my friend should have gone instead of me. Maybe I even think that the friend would be mad at me for not giving them the tickets. Realizing there’s no way I can go to the show, I give them my tickets, hopeful that my gift (or sacrifice) will garner me a higher status in my friend’s eyes. I’m not saying they’ll owe me, but… I’m not not saying they’ll owe me.  **This is codependency.**  ## Recovering From Codependency What action can we begin to take to recover from codependency?  I think the answer is found in the definition of codependency itself. If codependency is indeed a trauma-related loss of self, recovery will address the trauma and connect with the self. Let’s look at those components.  ** RELATED:** [Healthy Love and Relationships ](https://onsiteworkshops.com/programs/healthy-love-and-relationships-program/) ### Addressing the Trauma  What is trauma? ***Trauma is a wound.*** Many of the people who come to do work at Onsite struggle to label what happened to them as trauma or traumatic. Many of us who experience trauma probably learned to ignore or downplay what happened.  If you were told that what happened to you isn’t that big a deal, I  think it’s important to look at who is sending that message. If the person involved in the wounding is telling you that their behavior was not wounding, that is a good indicator that you have suffered wounds by this person. Many parents (friends, teachers, clergy, humans) loathe to admit that what they did was wrong, as it takes a lot of emotional space to take ownership of something done wrong or unhelpful.  Beginning trauma recovery work includes naming what happened to us—coming to terms with it, as M. Scott Peck tells us in People of The Lie—and then allowing ourselves to properly grieve the wounding. This is hard, courageous, rewarding, exhausting, and important work that takes time.  ### Connecting With Yourself  How are you with you? More to the point, how are you when other people are not okay—or you think they’re not okay with you?  If I’m worried whether or not a good friend is angry or okay with me, that’s usually a good time to check in with myself and ask this: “Am I angry with me? Am I okay with me?”  It’s good to check in with our deep friendships to ask about how we’re doing. But if they say, “We’re okay,” and I struggle to hear and receive that, then what’s going on most likely has nothing to do with my friend or our dynamic. Instead, it’s usually indicative of something stirring in me.  What are you afraid of?  Donald Winnicott said, **“The catastrophe you fear will happen has in fact already happened.”** Am I afraid of being abandoned? Then I’m probably reacting to having been abandoned.  Am I afraid that a relationship is going to end? Then I probably have a relationship ending in my history that feels unresolved or is still painful.  Am I afraid of taking on a big project and failing? Then I probably felt like I failed at something early in life, and I received a message that I should never fail, no matter what.  Our fear is a powerful communicator; it lets us know what’s on the horizon of our feelings landscape and our inner world.  The first step in Codependents Anonymous is “We admitted we were powerless over others—that our lives had become unmanageable.” In our attempts to repair old wounds and to get our needs met, we have tried to fix, manage, rescue, save, and control others.”  **Recovery starts in connecting with myself in those moments when I’m tempted to try and change others—and instead ask what need I’m trying to meet in myself.** And then start moving in that direction.  I may not be there yet. I may not be able to lean in or ask myself what I need fully. That’s okay too. **Start where you are.** Take water breaks. Let yourself do it wrong before you do it right.  And breathe.  **CARLOS MARTINEZ, MDIV, MSMHC, LPC, ACS, CET- II**, serves as a Lead Clinician at Onsite. He has worked helping people for almost 20 years as a pastor, chaplain, crisis interventionist, therapist, counselor, and professor. Carlos leads programs on trauma, sexuality, relationships, and connecting with yourself.  Want to explore how codependency might be impacting your relationships? Onsite’s [Healthy Love and Relationships Program](https://onsiteworkshops.com/programs/healthy-love-and-relationships-program/) will help you address the core wounds that drive self-sabotaging behaviors and the need for approval that continues to disrupt your relationships. If you have a historical pattern of dysfunctional relationships or find yourself frequently disappointed by unmet expectations, this group program provides a safe, nurturing environment essential for rebuilding your self-worth. ### ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Mercantile-Dec-14-2021-13-1-1024x1024.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Mercantile-Dec-14-2021-06-1024x1024.jpg) ![](https://onsiteworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Codependency-1-1-2.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Mercantile-Dec-14-2021-07-1-1024x1024.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Mercantile-Dec-14-2021-09-1024x1024.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/DSC04244_Carlos-scaled-1-1024x683.jpg)**CARLOS MARTINEZ, MDIV, MSMHC, LPC, ACS, CET- II**, serves as a Lead Clinician at Onsite. He has worked helping people for almost 20 years as a pastor, chaplain, crisis interventionist, therapist, counselor, and professor. Carlos leads programs on trauma, sexuality, relationships, and connecting with yourself.  ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Mercantile-Dec-14-2021-05-1024x1024.jpg) [Video](https://player.vimeo.com/video/688102225?dnt=1&app_id=122963) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A8912-933x1400.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "How to Recognize and Manage Your Emotions" slug: "how-to-recognize-and-manage-your-emotions" date: "2023-07-27 15:07:50" author: "anchour-krystle" --- ![How to Recognize and Manage Your Emotions](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/rightsizing-wrongs.webp) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Are you managing your emotions, or are they managing you? Learn to understand your emotions in a thoughtful and productive way that unlocks your potential. ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A9858-1400x933.jpg) ## Join us on a journey of learning to manage your emotions so they don’t manage you.  ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1010702-cropped-scaled.jpg) ## Many of us were taught that our emotions were a liability So we go through life trying to minimize or avoid them. But in the end, avoiding your emotions is much more exhausting than feeling them.  When we leave our feelings unaddressed, they take a toll on our emotional, mental, relational, and even physical health. [Access Your Free Resource](#manage-emotions-sign-up) ## What if we could stop ignoring our emotions and instead learn to truly understand them and harness them in productive ways? In this free resource, we’ll explore what the basic emotions are, why we should pay attention to them, and how to thoughtfully engage them in ways that enrich your personal and relational life. ### Once you sign up, you’ll get immediate access to: - Written Reflections from our Team about Understanding our Emotions - An Emotional Body Scan Exercise - A Downloadable Feelings and Emotions Wheel - Journal Prompts to Help You Reflect On Your Relationship with Your Emotions - Helpful Tips to Engage with the Emotions of Others [Access Your Free Resource](#manage-emotions-sign-up) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A0286-933x1400.jpg) ## Sign up to learn how to manage your emotions --- --- title: "Could Your Positivity Be ‘Toxic’?" slug: "could-your-positivity-be-toxic" date: "2022-10-12 14:45:05" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![Could Your Positivity Be ‘Toxic’?](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-523-1.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Could Your Positivity Be ‘Toxic’? Originally posted in collaboration with [StyleBlueprint](https://styleblueprint.com/everyday/what-is-toxic-positivity/). It’s often said that positivity is a mindset that can change everything. Letting go of negativity and adopting a positive approach is the best way forward, right? Countless motivational quotes and self-help books suggest that to succeed in our careers, rebound from failures, create a happier home life, and maintain our mental health, we must always embrace optimism — the key to happiness. Turns out, it’s not that simple. Today, experts are widely recognizing that an obsession with positivity can actually become a roadblock to healing and growth, as it can cause us to suppress our emotions and even invalidate the emotions of others. We consulted the team at [Onsite](https://onsiteworkshops.com/) for insight into the concept of “toxic positivity,” how to recognize it, and what we can do to strike a better balance. ### What is toxic positivity? According to [*Psychology Today*](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/toxic-positivity), “Toxic positivity is the act of avoiding, suppressing or rejecting negative emotions or experiences. This may take the form of denying your own emotions or someone else denying your emotions, insisting on positive thinking instead.” When someone asks, “How are you?” Do you respond with “I’m great!” even if you’re miserable? Do you stick to posting only your happiest moments on social media, even during a season of emotional upheaval? At first glance, these instances may pass themselves off as harmless optimism or a layer of privacy. But false or forced positivity can actually be a form of gaslighting, causing you to question your reality. With so much societal emphasis on putting a positive spin on challenges that come our way, we might find ourselves glossing over our emotions in the name of peacemaking or people-pleasing. It’s all about finding balance — a happy medium where you don’t fall into a pattern of negativity *or* hide behind a facade of positivity. A space where you embrace your truth while remaining hopeful. Mickenzie Vought, Onsite’s Editorial and Community Director, says, “Positivity is only toxic when it causes us to deny, dismiss, disengage, or diminish our reality and true emotions.” ### Where does toxic positivity come from? Believe it or not, toxic positivity is often rooted in how emotions are handled during childhood. Many of us grew up in homes that placed rules on managing our emotions. For example, you may have been told, “That’s not something to cry about,” or it may have been made clear that anger was a “bad” emotion, while joy and happiness are “good” ones. “Many of us grew up in homes that taught us very clear (whether explicit or not) rules or narratives about our emotions,” says Laurel Powell, Clinical Coordinator Manager at Onsite. “If you were not taught to fully embrace our wide breadth of emotions — or worse, you were taught to dismiss or diminish certain emotions — you might have grown up with the inability to express and interrupt what you’re actually feeling. When that is the case, it can feel easier to dismiss what you’re feeling and lean into toxic positivity.” Those early narratives become an integral part of our psychological fabric, making it tougher to recognize when there’s an emotional disconnect in adulthood. “Many of us are extremely disconnected from our internal worlds,” Laurel tells us. “When this happens, we become disengaged from our emotions. If you didn’t learn to connect to your internal world in your early years, it’s hard to know where to start when it comes to connecting with what’s going on inside your heart and mind. It takes intentional effort and often the unraveling of narratives and false beliefs you hold around emotions. Additionally, you can only offer to others what you offer to yourself. If you are more comfortable denying your own emotions, you will not be capable of holding space for the people in your life when they share something hard. Toxic positivity is often more harmful when we use it to manage our discomfort and disengage from our loved ones when they are struggling.” It’s also worth noting that social media contributes to a culture of toxic positivity, giving us a platform to create a curated image and compare ourselves to others who are doing the same. “There is no denying the impact of social media when it comes to the prevalence of toxic positivity,” says Laurel. “Every day, we scroll through an ecosystem designed to make us feel bad about ourselves. Algorithms keep us locked in on images of others presenting their ‘best selves.’ Social media is almost averse to true vulnerability. We only share the best parts of our lives. Social media causes us to compare our internal worst to other people’s external best. Comparison is the thief of joy and a perpetrator of toxic positivity.” ### Key Markers of Toxic Positivity While the line between ‘productive’ versus ‘toxic’ positivity may not always be easy to spot, there are some telltale signs. The following phrases often accompany toxic positivity: - “It could be so much worse.” - “Don’t be so negative.” - “Just look on the bright side.” - “Just think happy thoughts.” - “Everything happens for a reason.” Additionally, here are some key markers regarding the presence of toxic positivity ### Repercussions of ‘Too Much’ Positivity If you’ve identified an emotional disconnect, the next step is asking yourself if you’re numbing your pain. Are you masquerading behind positivity? And if so, are you stifling your emotions such that you’re not only procrastinating grief and anger but true joy, too? “We can’t selectively numb our emotions,” Laurel says. “If we numb pain, we ultimately numb joy. Wholehearted living is only available to those who are willing to embrace every experience life has to offer. At Onsite, we sometimes say that if we don’t deal with our emotions, they will deal with us — usually in unhealthy and unproductive ways.” Laurel goes on to say that the most detrimental repercussion of too much positivity is the breakdown of community, resulting in isolation and a lack of genuine connection. “In an attempt to create a positive situation, those who love this person can feel gaslit and invalidated,” she tells us. “True engagement and community cannot take place in a shaming or critical environment.” Additionally, [research suggests](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02370.x) that those who suffer from low self-esteem may feel even worse if they practice positive affirmations they don’t actually believe, such as “I am brave” or “I am deserving.” Moreover, those same study subjects discovered that their moods improved when they were given “permission” to experience negative thoughts. “When we create space to acknowledge what we’re feeling instead of blindly denying our pain or struggle, it has a positive impact on our overall feelings and outlook,” offers Laurel. ### How can we strike the right balance? Perception might be the key to finding the emotional balance we’re searching for. The team at Onsite refers to emotions as information, suggesting that if we can view our feelings simply as a method of delivering information, we can begin to see just how useful all of our emotions can be — even the most uncomfortable ones. “If we’re willing to get curious, each of our emotions offers us a gift and invitation that will serve us in every area of our lives,” offers Laurel. Sometimes, avoiding toxic positivity is a result of naming our feelings. Naming our feelings can sound like: - “This is hard.” - “I want to be optimistic, but I’m struggling right now.” - “I’m afraid that …” - “Today I’m feeling … and I feel it in my …” - “This makes me feel both sad and glad.” “Sometimes simply taking space and time to get curious about what we’re feeling can counteract our well-worn instincts to immediately reframe or dismiss uncomfortable emotions,” says Mickenzie. “Our feelings are often thought to live in our heads and hearts, but [they show up in our bodies too](https://styleblueprint.com/everyday/mind-body-connection/). For instance, maybe you feel anxiety as an ache in your gut, or maybe you feel gratitude as warmth in your heart. Doing an ‘Emotional Body Scan’ can be a helpful tool to turn your attention towards your body and connect with your emotions in a way that grounds you.” If you’re looking for outlets to help mitigate toxic positivity, there are several options for practical assistance. Journaling, for example, can help you explore your feelings in a private yet productive way. A few prompts to use when writing might be, “What do I want?” “What hurts right now?” “What am I grateful for?” and “Where do I see beauty around me?” If you’re open to sharing your feelings with someone, choose a friend, family member, or professional who offers a safe, non-judgmental space. “We all deserve to be seen, heard, and valued,” says Mickenzie. “Sharing our experiences is a beautiful gift we can give ourselves and others. It can also open us up to exploration, insight, and understanding into ourselves that we cannot find in isolation. Other people have a way of serving as a mirror for us … It is incredibly painful when we open up to someone and are met with dismissing or diminishing statements. It leaves us feeling unsafe, unseen, and devalued. It may cause us to diminish our own pain, stuff our feelings, or think twice before sharing with someone in the future. The reality is that when people are unwilling to engage with themselves, they cannot engage with our hard emotions or experiences. People who meet us with toxic positivity are likely uncomfortable with emotions they associate as negative or difficult.” And while there is no right or wrong when it comes to our feelings, beware of overcompensation — the trick is finding balance. “It is less about getting it right and more about simply being a *noticer*,” says Laurel. “When we can acknowledge the reality of what we’re feeling and experiencing, we experience the full breadth of all that life has to offer — good, bad, neutral, and everything in between. It is important to recognize that intense negative emotions often coincide with equally powerful positive emotions. Allow yourself to recognize and embrace that various emotions can occur simultaneously.” *If you are looking to further your emotional knowledge and self-awareness, you may want to consider an Onsite program or workshop like “Becoming Emotionally Smart,” which explores how to unlock your emotions for a more connected life.* ![](https://onsiteworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-329.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A0286-933x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A6282-933x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/SB-ONSITE-ToxicPositivity-2.png) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/1O3A9997-1400x933.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-490-1400x934.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1031143.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/SB-ONSITE-ToxicPositivity-3.png) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "Are Your Coping Mechanisms Harming You?" slug: "are-your-coping-mechanisms-harming-you" date: "2023-07-14 19:39:00" author: "mickenzie" --- ![Multiracial group of people working together at office. They are sitting at the table. They are using laptops and working with documents.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Stocksy_txpf7564506IpX300_Small_4808349.webp) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Are Your Coping Mechanisms Harming You? ##### “We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted, and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.” ##### — Brené Brown   ##### Do you ever feel like instead of dealing with your stress, your stress is dealing with you?    Stress is so commonplace that many of us have stopped questioning it. We’ve accepted it as simply a part of our day-to-day. It often builds and builds, but just before it overtakes us, we seek some way to offload it—to escape or cope with our emotional pain. At Onsite, we often refer to the ways we cope as **medicators**.  If this is a new concept for you, we like to say a medicator is **“anything we reach for to turn up a feeling we want more of or turn down a feeling we want less of.”** They relieve the “dis-ease” of the stress we experience.   **Where do you turn to when you’re disturbed, distressed, or need a distraction?**  When faced with emotional pain, we all have our “go-to” escapes. While seeking temporary relief is understandable, in the long run, continuing to escape without dealing with the root of our pain is detrimental to our well-being.  When we think of unhealthy coping methods, it’s easy to conjure images of addiction, excessive substance use, isolation, and other obvious and less socially acceptable escape methods. But what about the more sneaky, socially-acceptable ways of medicating? Are they really *that* bad?  In this blog, we’ll explore a few common (yet surprising) coping mechanisms that are not only socially tolerated but are often rewarded. ### Work   For many of us, work can be an escape when our personal lives feel out of control. When we throw ourselves wholeheartedly into what we do, it can be easy to intertangle our worth and identity with our work. On the surface, passion for what we do can be an incredible gift and goal. But, like all good things, working can be taken to extremes, and overworking can become a coping mechanism that causes us to neglect what is really going on in our lives. It can lead to burnout and neglect of emotional well-being. When we use workaholism to escape, we become human doings and forget that we are human *beings*. If you use work to escape, consider setting boundaries around your time and investment. Explore how intertwined your identity feels with your work, and take steps to affirm and build up the other areas of your life: community, hobbies, family, etc.    ### Busyness    In our bustling world, busyness has become a badge of honor. We often fill our schedules to the brim, constantly moving from one task to another, not realizing that this relentless pursuit of productivity can be a convenient (and detrimental) distraction.   Busyness can trap us in a cycle of avoidance, preventing us from healing. It’s important to recognize that genuine healing requires acknowledging our emotions, taking time for introspection, and nurturing our well-being.    If you find that you have overscheduled your life, consider getting curious about what you’re trying to avoid. Schedule some time to intentionally “do nothing.” Take time throughout your days to check in with yourself – even for five minutes.     ### Serving Others    Another common and sneaky strategy to medicate our emotional pain is by pouring ourselves into serving others. While helping other people can bring immense joy and satisfaction, it can often serve as a shield to avoid feeling or dealing with our own problems. Focusing solely on the needs of others, we may neglect our own well-being, inadvertently suppressing our emotions rather than addressing them.    True altruism requires a balanced approach that acknowledges the importance of self-care while finding meaningful ways to contribute to the lives of others.   If you tend to pay attention to the needs of others at the expense of your own, consider what it might look like to tend to your own needs. At Onsite, we remind people that we cannot pour from an empty cup. Make a list of things that “fill up your tank,” and schedule time each week for you. While it may seem selfish, it’s the most selfless thing we can do for the people around us!    ### Isolation Masked as Solitude    Solitude, when taken in moderation, can provide a much-needed space for self-reflection, rejuvenation, and introspection. However, excessive and prolonged isolation can harm our emotional and mental well-being.    We are hard-wired for connection, and isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. The lack of social interaction and emotional support from others can exacerbate underlying mental health struggles and increase our risk of developing new ones. Isolation also negatively impacts our ability to form and sustain meaningful relationships. It is important to balance time alone and time spent with safe people.    Are you seeking healthy solitude or isolation? A helpful lens to consider using is to assess how you feel after spending time alone. Solitude refreshes and rejuvenates; isolation leads to feelings of loneliness and overwhelm.    ### Working Out    Moving our bodies is an essential part of a well-rounded emotional health regime. While regular exercise is generally considered beneficial for our physical and mental well-being, it is important to recognize that working out excessively or obsessively can negatively impact our mental and emotional health—especially when used as a distraction that keeps us out of sync with ourselves.   Overtraining, pushing oneself beyond healthy limits, or developing an unhealthy fixation on physical appearance or performance can lead to various emotional challenges. Over-exercise can create stress, anxiety, and a sense of failure when those expectations aren’t met. We can use exercise to neglect and ignore the signals our body is giving us.    Moreover, strict exercise regimes can disrupt other areas of life, strain relationships, and contribute to social isolation. It is crucial to approach exercise with balance, self-compassion, and a focus on overall well-being, ensuring that it enhances rather than undermines our emotional health.   ### Being with People   While isolation can be a way to medicate, the opposite can also be true. We may be hard-wired for connection, but constantly being in the company of others without ample time for solitude and self-reflection can serve as a way to escape what’s going on within us. Seeking constant social interaction as a distraction from emotional pain can prevent us from addressing and processing our emotions. The pressure to constantly engage, entertain, and please others can lead to burnout and neglect of our own needs and desires.    It is important to balance social interactions and personal solitude, allowing for meaningful connections while prioritizing self-care and establishing healthy boundaries to protect our emotional well-being.   If you constantly need to be around people or the thought of spending time alone makes you squirmish, it might be time to take yourself on a date!    Medicators provide temporary relief but do not address the underlying issues or foster genuine healing. We embark on a journey towards true emotional healing only by fully feeling and connecting with our inner world through reflection, self-care, support networks, professional help, and mindful engagement. By understanding these coping mechanisms and seeking healthier alternatives, we can nurture our emotional well-being and embrace a more fulfilling life. ##### If these sneaky medicators are preventing you from living the life you desire, the Living Centered Program, our most popular workshop, can help you learn and practice new ways of processing stress and emotions. Stress and burnout don’t have to be normal—you can find a new, centered way of living. [Connect with our team today to learn more.](mailto:hello@onsiteworkshops.com) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Stocksy_txpf7564506IpX300_Small_4808349.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-2021-81-edited.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-374-934x1400.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-93-1-1400x934.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/L1030634.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/) --- --- title: "Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things" slug: "why-you-self-sabotage-and-why-you-deserve-good-things" date: "2026-04-03 15:03:30" author: "Kennedy Looper" --- ![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things *An Onsite Session on Self-Sabotage and Worth with Onsite’s Vice President of Clinical Services, Heather Schnoebelen* [Video](https://www.youtube.com/embed/wwYmoj36gBg?feature=oembed) ### What This Session Explores   - Why self-sabotage happens (and why it’s not random) - The connection between self-worth, shame, and behavior - How early experiences shape your sense of deserving - Why your nervous system may reject good things - The difference between guilt (“I did something bad”) and shame (“I am bad”) - A guided exercise to identify your self-sabotage patterns - Practical tools for building self-compassion and awareness Self-sabotage can feel confusing, frustrating, and deeply personal—like you’re the only one standing in your own way. But what this session makes clear is that these patterns don’t come from nowhere. They are shaped over time through experiences, relationships, and the beliefs you formed about yourself along the way. Heather Schnoebelen walks through how self-worth sits at the center of self-sabotage. When you don’t believe you’re worthy of good things, you may unknowingly push them away, whether that’s in relationships, work, or personal growth. What looks like avoidance or “messing things up” is often a nervous system trying to stay within what feels familiar, even if that familiarity is limiting or painful. This session also reframes the conversation around shame and guilt, helping you understand how internalized beliefs like “I am bad” can quietly drive your behavior. Through reflection and practical exercises, you’ll begin to recognize how these patterns show up in real time. Also, how to respond with more awareness and compassion. Because the goal isn’t to judge or eliminate these parts of yourself. It’s to understand them. So you can finally start to move differently. Heather Schnoebelen is the Vice President of Clinical Services at Onsite, where she leads and supports a team of expert clinicians guiding individuals through deep emotional and relational healing work. With extensive experience in trauma, self-worth, and personal transformation, Heather specializes in helping people understand the underlying patterns that keep them stuck—so they can reconnect with themselves, build healthier relationships, and experience lasting change. [DOWNLOAD ACCOMPANYING PDF](https://hubs.la/Q047zPQk0) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/DSCF0524-933x1400.jpg) ### Explore More of Onsite Healing and growth don’t happen in just one way. Whether you’re seeking immersive, in-person work or accessible support you can engage from anywhere, Onsite offers multiple pathways to meet you where you are. ###### Healing Trauma Healing Trauma is an experiential group intensive designed for people ready to address the impact of past experiences on their present lives. Guided by master clinicians, participants explore how trauma lives in the body, shapes relationships, and influences the way they see themselves. Through therapy, skill-building, and meaningful group connection, this program helps create safety inside the nervous system, release long-held patterns, and restore a sense of choice and stability. ###### Living Centered Living Centered is an experiential group intensive created for adults seeking greater emotional health and relational well-being, whether or not they identify with trauma. Guided by skilled clinicians, participants explore patterns that keep them stuck, such as anxiety, people-pleasing, codependency, and disconnection from self. Through practical tools, reflective exercises, and supportive community, this program helps individuals strengthen boundaries, reconnect with their needs, and build a more grounded, intentional way of living. **Wherever you are on your journey, there’s a next step here.** [Healing trauma](https://hubs.la/Q045MBd90) [Living Centered](https://hubs.la/Q0442Hnp0) --- --- title: "Understanding Our Emotions: Worksheet and Feelings Wheel" slug: "feelings-and-emotions-chart" date: "2022-04-05 15:23:12" author: "anchour-rory" --- ![Understanding Our Emotions: Worksheet and Feelings Wheel](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/0P9A2397-scaled-1.jpg) [Onsite](https://experienceonsite.com)›404 # Understanding Our Emotions: Worksheet and Feelings Wheel ### Understanding Our Emotions: Worksheet & FREE Feelings Chart ##### As Featured in the 2022 Onsite Journal Here’s one of the biggest challenges we face: Our most difficult situations in life usually don’t involve things, they involve people, and looking for ways to solve people rarely solves anything. Yes, there are problems that need to be solved, **but we are not problems to be solved; we are humans to be engaged.** Information alone doesn’t create sustainable change. No matter how good the data is, facts alone don’t overturn years of ingrained thought patterns and behavior. And over-intellectualizing our experiences ends up being another clever way to avoid our feelings. We need to become smart with the information we have available to us. Being “emotionally smart” is having the ability to recognize emotions, understand their origins, and thoughtfully manage them in ways that unlock the agency and potential of ourselves and others [*(Learn more about how to be “emotionally smart” here!)*](https://onsiteisonline.com/becoming-emotionally-smart/) **Take a few moments to answer the questions below. Consider writing down your answers, or taking a screenshot of these questions for later. ** #### Reflecting on Your Relationship with Emotions - Are you an emotion feeler or an emotion avoider? Or do you feel some and avoid others? - Which emotions do you tend to embrace? - Which emotion do you tend to avoid? - Are there messages in your past that instructed you to push certain emotions away? What were those messages? #### Use the Feelings and Emotions Wheel to put words to what you are feeling: If you want to learn how to understand your emotions (and actually use them to your advantage), check out our emotional health master class, **Becoming Emotionally Smart: Uncover Your Hidden Superpower and Live a More Connected Life.** Learn more at [here](https://onsiteisonline.com/becoming-emotionally-smart/). *Becoming Emotionally Smart* is a digital emotional health class brought to you by Onsite that will help you recognize your emotions, understand where they are coming from, and harness them in ways that unlock your potential. This accessible digital class includes over 80+ minutes of clinical expertise and an interactive workbook designed to ground, unpack, and apply the concepts to your everyday life. In this class you will learn: - The advantage of building awareness and expertise of emotions - To cultivate self-awareness by identifying feelings and tracing them to underlying emotions - How you may carry stress and healthy ways to manage it - Practical tools to improve our relationships through emotional regulation - How to effectively overcome challenges and manage conflict ### It’s time to stop ignoring your emotions and start leveraging them. Learn more [here](https://onsiteisonline.com/becoming-emotionally-smart/). – For articles from our clinical team, descriptions of Onsite’s robust digital and in-person experiences, recipes from the Onsite Kitchen, and powerful stories from Onsite Alumni, get a copy of the newly released annual[Onsite Journal](https://experienceonsite.com/journal/). ![](https://onsiteworkshops.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/feelings-wheel_NEW-1024x1018.png) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Mercantile-Dec-14-2021-13-1-1024x1024.jpg) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Mercantile-Dec-14-2021-06-1024x1024.jpg) [Video](https://player.vimeo.com/video/601283671?dnt=1&app_id=122963) ![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-475-edited.jpg) ## New resources from Onsite [![Two women engaging in a supportive conversation on a leather couch, one holding a cup, in a cozy, well-lit environment, reflecting the compassionate atmosphere of Milestones mental health treatment.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-538-edited.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### 10 Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Seen in Your Relationship October 15, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/10-ways-to-make-your-partner-feel-seen/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite_JC-41-934x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Do We Feel Like Roommates? A Reason Couples Drift September 18, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/09/18/why-do-we-feel-like-roommates/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/Couple-Holding-Hands-933x1400.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does My Partner Trigger Me So Much? September 10, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-my-partner-trigger-me-so-much/) [![Hand starting a fresh page on a journal](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-479-1-scaled.jpg) Self-Care | Blog ### The September Reset: How to Reset Your Life When You Feel Stuck August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/september-reset-how-to-reset-your-life-when-you-feel-stuck/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Onsite-Workshops-Nashville-TN-Emily-Magers-Photography-341-1400x934.jpg) Relationships | Blog ### Why Does Love Feel Harder Than We Thought It Would? August 31, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/2026/08/28/why-does-love-feel-so-much-harder-than-we-thought-it-would/) [![](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/L1040859-copy-1067x1400.jpg) Trauma | Blog ### Men’s Health is Mental June 9, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/mens-health-is-mental/) [![Woman in a green blouse discussing emotional wellness with a background of colorful books, highlighting themes of mental health and self-worth.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Laura_Thumbnail_2-2-1400x787.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Feel Stuck in Negative Beliefs April 21, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-feel-stuck-in-negative-beliefs/) [![Woman with long hair wearing red glasses and a black outfit, speaking about emotional wellness, with text overlay "Why You Feel Unlovable," in a cozy indoor setting.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Emotional-Neglect_Thumbnail_Primary-1400x788.png) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When Nothing ‘Happened’ But Something’s Missing: Understanding Emotional Neglect April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/when-nothing-happened-but-somethings-missing/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Self-Sabotage and Why You Deserve Good Things April 3, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-self-sabotage/) [![Woman with glasses and a colorful headband discussing emotional wellness and boundaries, emphasizing mental health awareness.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Boundaries_Thumbnail_V1a-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why Setting Boundaries Feels Impossible March 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-setting-boundaries-feels-impossible/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### Why You Lose Interest (The Moment They Start Liking You Back) February 23, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much-2/) [![Woman with curly hair in a cozy setting, conveying a message of emotional wellness with the text "You’re Not Needy," emphasizing mental health and self-acceptance.](https://experienceonsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/RyanSnodgrass_Thumbnail_AnxiousAttchment_Sessions-1400x788.jpg) Onsite Sessions | Blog ### When You Love Too Much February 5, 2026](https://experienceonsite.com/why-you-love-too-much/)